You just don't know that I have always loved you
by InNerSyMphOnY
Summary: Serena and Darien have always been best friends. Somehow Darien's place in Serena's heart changes. Through long journeys of friendship is there a hidden strong love that we all fail to understand? A must read if you are going through a painful time.
1. IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE and Prologue

_Hey Fans! It's been a long vacation for me; one year… that's a really long time. Well I know that you're wondering what happened…the biggest reason writers block, then I decided to rewrite the whole thing because the plot is not organized as well as I thought it would have been. What else: spelling, grammar, many words are missing, and the story needs to be a lot more descriptive. So here is the whole story all over again. Don't worry I've finished it up to the part that you have read up to so it's very different. But don't try and think that you could move on without reading everything again because you won't understand the story and you'll be missing out on a lot of good stuff. Okay so here are the rules: First, you have to read up to where the story last left off. Second there will be a new chapter every Friday (I like waiting for my favorite TV shows on specific time so I decided to use the idea.)I'll probably repeat this note in another chapter because people might have already moved on to a new chapter without reading the note. So all of you that have read this note don't worry about the second one and those who are beginning to read the story don't worry about this note or the other one at all. By the way I really won't have any other note unless it is very important so it is only for you convenience that I will leave a note k so be sure to read them. Well I've said enough and I'm tired of talking so after one year later of waiting for a new chapter here is the story all over again. Do review when you get to the bottom…I admit it takes time but it always has a positive outcome; like a new chapter (wink!) ** Disclaimer: I am merely a fan of Sailor moon so it's only natural that I do not own it. **_

_ You just don't know that I have always loved you…_

_prologue_

_The languid breezes passed through the trees, not daring to disturb the calmness of the day. Everything was covered in green; the mansion looked more marvelous with the accent of the green from the garden. The air was consistent in its harmony, blowing the aged petals away from the flowers. I took off my glasses and rubbed them on my shirt. They seemed to have a magnetic pull to all the dust of the outdoors. Summer will soon be over and autumn would begin spreading its colors within the leaves. School isn't that far from opening and I found myself neither excited nor disappointed. I sighed, thinking of all the teachers that would ask, 'So, what did you do this summer?'_

_I would make up lies about how I had such a good summer, visited so many places, and been with a busy schedule. But the truth was that I had done nothing other than studying or something educational. I didn't want everyone to think that I was a very boring person who had no life out of books. For a thirteen year old who would now enter their last year of Junior high school; I didn't concentrate on make up, attracting the opposite sex or popularity. Those were just some things I couldn't bring myself to do…someone I could never be. _

_Remembering what I was here for in the first place I headed down the narrow walkway that lead to the mailbox and emptied it. Taking the contents on my way back inside, I scanned through all of them until I found the big envelope that the school always mailed out before the new school year. 'To the Parents of Serena Tsukino' was labeled at the front; I frowned because I knew that they would never look through it. They might as well say 'To Serena Tsukino' instead and leave 'the parents of' part out. It sometimes bothered me that my parents had never been involved in my school's PTO. Or when they were never around when I needed some advice about being my age._

_My mother, Irene, is a very well known and respected attorney. My father Ken is the proud owner of Tsukino Corporations. To me; they were workaholics! They never had time for themselves so it wasn't as if they could spare me some of it. But all they had given me were etiquette expectations that were always to be fulfilled; they had to be if you were of a higher social class. It was the same in their presence and absence, a long distance intervening between me and them. They had never tried to understand me and neither did I try to understand them. It was left at that. I shrugged those thoughts off of my head; I had told myself that I didn't care anymore. _

_Opening the package I found the same old same olds that would come in every year. I dropped all the papers on the table of my parent's home office when a postcard of the Eiffel Tower landed on top. I picked it up with excitement knowing that it was from none other than my best friend Darien. He was traveling all over Europe with his mom. Now and then he would send a post card from the city that he was recently staying in. This one of course was of Paris._

_Bonjour Mademoiselle,_

_My dear Sere…how are you? I bet you're still too stuck on those books. I've asked you so many times to come with me and my mom but you wouldn't listen. School isn't that far away from opening, so you know that I'll be back pretty soon. Just wanted to send you a post card of the Eiffel tower. When I was at the top, it felt like if I took another step and jumped off, I would be able to fly. But then I remembered you're silly expressions and how you're so afraid of heights. I don't think that I would ever be able to stop laughing at your reactions if you were here._

_You're best friend_

_Darien. _

_I smiled reading his letter; I always smiled when it came to him. He often teased me about my fears and said that he didn't understand what I was scared about. He said that if there is anything to fear it was loneliness; it breaks even the strongest person. Maybe if anyone heard about the relationship between me and my parents they would wonder how I ever got around it. It was only because of Darien! Our relationship is eight years old and we met back when I was in Kindergarten but he was a year older than me. At first it was just a gesture of hello…until we talked more…well he talked more. As it turned out we had nothing in common yet we understood each other more than anyone else would. _

_We became best friends. He was also the reason I knew my other friends and am so close to them. Our hangout is the town arcade where our friend Andrew works because his parents own the place. But Darien and I have our own place that we always came back to. Its miles away from home, the beach that my grandmother owned before she passed away two years ago. She was the only other adult that I was close to; the other is the maid Susanne who had brought me up._

_My Grandma was a lot different from my dad. She was his stepmother. My grandfather remarried after his first wife passed away giving birth to his second son. My father was at the time ten years old. The first time grandpa had gotten married, it was arranged but the second time; he swore it was love. My grandma wasn't at all like my father's mother who was a very social person: strict, harsh and myopic thinker. I guess that was where my father had acquired his traits of personality. Because if my grandfather could fall in love with someone as simple, caring and humble as grandma then it had to be that my father had nothing in common with him. _

_My father never liked it that I was around grandma. He never really accepted her as his family because he had this suspicion in his head that she married his father for his money. He wanted to prove it too and humiliate her, but that never happened because he gravely misunderstood her. He always tried to offer her to live with us instead of the small house she called home. She declined no matter how many times he had asked. He burned with anger at the thought that he wasn't triumphant with his plans. At every chance he could find he tried afflicting her. And even if she was slightly hurt; he found great joy in it. _

_"He really hates you doesn't he?" I asked her one day. She was startled by my question and gave me a subtle smile. _

"_Baby, what suddenly made you think that way?" She asked me in return._

"_Grandma, he's always mean to you even though you haven't done anything. Isn't it enough that he takes out his anger on me?" I said irritated because I had not too long ago had gotten yelled at by him after he had recently found out that I spend every summer with her. She took notice of my anger and gestured for me to climb into the rocking chair with her. She was still a slim woman at her age. She hugged me to her side while she softened the rocking of the wide chair that held the two of us. _

"_Oh Sere," she sighed "You're father doesn't hate me! He is just angry that his mother had passed away and his father made space for me in the heart and even married me. It's hard to accept something like that honey. You know, sometimes we hate someone or something because we fear that we might actually like them. And you're father thinks that he might be betraying his mother if he tried to like me. Your Grandfather always said that I should give him space and that's why I let him say what ever he wants to."_

"_Is that why you don't want to live with us?" I asked raising my head to look at her._

"_No honey that isn't why!" She said as she touched the tip of my chin "It's because this is who I am and where I belong. I love my life here and if I suddenly decided to change that, I wouldn't be living. Don't try to full fill someone else's expectations Serena, other than only those that you make for your self. Live your life with you dreams not with what someone else wants it to be." She said as she hugged me again. Sometimes, I wished that I could live with her because every time Darien visited with me, she took the both of us sailing. She always joined us in our activities and became a kid with us. _

_Her memories made me miss her more than anything because she was like a good friend. I remembered how devastated I was when I first heard of her death. I wanted to think that she never meant that much to me and that my father was right about her. I wanted to believe that I hated her as much as he hated her. I knew that it was all a lie but it solaced the pain. When you have friends like Darien who looked beyond all of that, it was hard to keep that lie going. He made me come back to her house and the property which in her will were both to be inherited by me. _

_When I first stepped into her house it seemed so lifeless as if no one had been here for ages. I shivered as I was filled with images of how it used to be and I needed to get out because I felt so suffocated. Stepping outside I was once again near the boat that the three of us used to go sailing in. I remember that day as if it was yesterday…_

_I stood staring at the boat while I felt Darien's hand on my shoulder. He waited for me to do or say something. "I can't…" I started to say in a whispered voice and Darien looked at me. "I don't think that I can ever go on that boat again…there are so many memories of her." I said as my eyes were teary again. Darien stared at me for a long time then looked forward. _

"_You're always so scared Serena…" He said in a small but audible voice "…always running away. But do you think that it'll ever change things?" He asked. But I hadn't answered, just stayed quiet. He continued "There will be many memories of her in many things but you can't just throw them away. You'll have to cherish them so that she lives on with them." _

_Tears dropped silently from my eyes to the ground where I had been staring. Darien took notice of this and pulled me into a hug. I wiped my tears before pulling away and gave him a small smile. "So do you think the engine still works as it used to?" _

_A smile crept up in his face until it became a huge one as he heard me say that. "There is just one way we'll know that for sure." He said then raced to the head of the boat. And we sailed off into the sunset. That day when we had come back, I was busy tying the boat. He suddenly ran off into the house and didn't take long coming back. He held a brush in one hand and a can of paint in the other. _

_I looked at him in wonder and asked him what he was doing. He hadn't answered but went to the side of the boat where it said 'THE GENTLE WAVE'. My grandmother named the boat as that. I watched as he painted Darien Serena under its name. He looked up at me with a smile on his face and said. "Promise me one thing Serena." _

"_What?" I asked._

"_That every time we come back here, we'll always come back together even if it is twenty years from now. And we'll always sail off into the sunset, just the two of us." He said waiting patiently for my answer._

"_Of course Darien…" I said to him. He told me that he had painted his name and mines so that all of these memories, this place, this moment, will always be ours to come back and hold on to forever in time. _

_That day Darien became something else to me that I couldn't describe. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we never met? What would become of me? He really did change me; because he makes me like being who I am. That's why he is my best friend today and the days that would come ahead._

**Please don't forget to review! By the way feel free to give criticism because I would love suggestions. But nothing too harsh that would break my sensitive heart!**

**With tons of love,**

**INNERSYMPHONY**


	2. Part 1 Fading memories of yesterday

> _Part__ I.__ Fading memories of the past_
> 
> _Chapter 1…_
> 
> _ The alarm clock echoed the words in its monotonous voice 'First day of school! First day of school!' I groaned when I heard them while brushing my teeth. It was usual that I woke up before the alarm went off, but it was a reminder of the headache of school. The last year of Junior high school would be a lot more difficult with the absence of Darien, who had moved on to High school. The only thing that I looked forward to was his return from vacation. I missed his presence and truth be told I was lonely. Coincidently every one of my friends was out of town. So summer had seemed like the longest time this year. _
> 
> _ I opened my closet door and looked through the clothing; trying to decide what to wear. My style in clothes has always been what I feel comfortable in. I took out a pair of white pants and the same color half sleeve shirt but underneath I wore a very light baby blue full sleeve tee-shirt. But my look hadn't been complete until I put on my glasses that barely covered my eyes and put my hair in a straight pony tail while it reached down to my hips. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled liking the person that I displayed myself as. _
> 
> _ My personality was of a rather very simple person. Most of the time I was quiet, having little to say. My thoughts laid in abundance on the back of my mind because I never found the courage to express them; I was too diffident. My four friends Mina, Amy, Rei, and Lita, were the popular girls of the school. I don't think I would have made friends with them had I not been friends with Mina. At first I didn't want to be around them because I was never good with crowds. But they made it so comfortable to be around them that I could be myself. This year would be our year to get through it together. _
> 
> _ "Miss Serena…" Susanne said from behind me. "Breakfast is ready downstairs…won't you come down to eat?" She asked._
> 
> _ "Yeah Susanne, hold on while I grab my book bag." I replied while she made her way down and I followed after her. As I took my time eating Susanne watched me closely waiting for the chance to say something. "Did my mother call?" I asked knowing what she might have had on her mind. _
> 
> _ "Yes…" She answered "She had asked about Samuel and I had told her that he still hadn't called this week. And she also asked me to tell you to make sure that you join that program they have at the club that she is a member in. It was something that they have for the young members… I forget the name." She said thinking hard._
> 
> _ "Junior community service." I reminded _
> 
> _ "Yes that!" She exclaimed "That was all she had said."_
> 
> _ I gave a slight chuckle out of hurt. "Funny! She hadn't even asked how I was." At that Susanne looked down. She had been taking care of me ever since my parents decided to make their careers the most important thing in their life. She had two kids but no husband. Being a single mother; Susanne worked really hard for them but still was there for me in many ways. Whenever I needed anything she was there to give me advice. She was always sad at the way I viewed my parents and the way that they viewed me. I think that was because we have each other right now yet our family isn't able to be together. But she didn't have anyone other than her two little kids. _
> 
> _ "Don't think that Miss Serena, a mother always worries about her children. Some just show less affection than others." She said as she placed a hand on my shoulder. I finished the juice and gave her a hug. _
> 
> _ "Well I guess that she really doesn't have much to worry about since you're with me." I said to her and she smiled at me before I headed out the door. The driver dropped me off as scheduled and I made my way into the prodigious building. Our school was the only Junior High school that existed in the lavishing town that only had residents making up the successful professions. The school only had two hundred students in total. But with the amount of money that was donated by the parents; indulged the faculty members to make things such as the football field and more classrooms. _
> 
> _ I walked through the empty hallways that would in about twenty minuets be alive with students; rushing to get to class, meeting with friends, trying to figure out what their class room number is. But now in such silence the slightest bit of sound echoed as I sauntered to my locker. After a moment I heard footsteps behind me, 'A teacher?' I thought presuming to get to my locker unloading the notebooks and getting on my way to class. The footsteps kept on and I checked to see if there was someone behind me. When I turned around there was nothing…I kept on walking. It continued once again and stopped every time I stopped. This time I stopped and waited a full minuet before looking back. The janitor walked past me having that frown that was always set in his face. I was rather relieved to see him and continued on my way._
> 
> _ Suddenly I found myself falling smack down to the floor when something heavy or rather someone jumped on my back. Fear rushed through my body like a palpable wave. I wanted to scream for help but my voice got stuck on my throat and had failed me at the moment. I expected the being to do something to hurt me next but instead of all of that they hugged me around the waist and relaxed. _
> 
> _ "I'm back Sere!" the person finally said to me and I breathed out a sigh of relief recognizing Darien's voice. He stayed on top of me and I couldn't find a way to tell him to get off because I was being crushed by his weight._
> 
> _ "Hmm-Hmm" a voice cleared its throat that made both Darien and me jump. It was the same janitor that just passed by to the boy's bathroom. Both Darien and I found ourselves sitting up fast on the floor while the Janitor now held a scowl in his face. "Kids theses days…" He muttered as he walked away. _
> 
> _ I panted trying to get my heart beat back to normal, then turned to Darien, who was rubbing the back of his neck. He forced a smile at me, what really ticked me off and I couldn't stop myself from slapping him. "Do you always have to do that!?!?!" I yelled at him. _
> 
> _ "Ah…Serena that hurt!" He exclaimed rubbing his cheek. But I knew better that it didn't hurt a bit and he was acting._
> 
> _ "I hope it did and I still have another one from where that came from!" I held myself back. "Why do you always have to do that?"_
> 
> _ "Do what?" He asked innocently _
> 
> _ "Scare me like that!" I answered "And for a second there I thought you were that Janitor. Man…he gives me the creeps at times." Darien started chuckling about something right about then. "What's so funny?" I asked _
> 
> _ "Just the thought of the janitor having the hots for you!" He said now bursting into laughter. Anger was starting to form inside of me but instead of hitting him I decided to ignore him; it would serve a better punishment. _
> 
> _ "Oh yeah...well enjoy you're self with the dirty mind of yours cause I'm really not interested." I said picking up my books. Just as I was about ready to leave him on the floor he grabbed my wrist and balanced on me to get up. "Let go of me Darien…I got to get to class!"_
> 
> _ "You really need to go to class a half hour before it starts?" He asked lifting an eyebrow. I didn't answer so he turned me around to him "I'm sorry! I just can't help it; every time I make fun of you…its just very cute how you get angry." _
> 
> _ "Really?" I asked him blushing at his statement_
> 
> _ "Nah! You should've seen you're self…you looked like your head was about to burst. Then you would've been headless, which come to think of it would've been funnier." I frowned about to reply back but he cut me off. "Oh come on Serena, I wasn't able to do this for two months being away and plus I won't be here this year. I really missed hanging out with you…I missed us." _
> 
> _ I gave him a hug "I missed you too Darien." _
> 
> _ "Okay then, I have one favor to ask of you, so don't say no!" He said looking hopeful. _
> 
> _ I smiled at him "Of course I wouldn't!" but seeing the sheepish smile on his face made me regret saying it. This was Darien! The one always coming up with all the crazy plans that I never wanted to do. _
> 
> _ "Okay, what do you say that we ditch school and hang out the rest of the day?" He asked excitedly. _
> 
> _ I glared at him "I do wonder sometimes Darien, why those ideas suddenly hit you when I'm around. Are you crazy?!? I'm gonna get in so much trouble and what a time to ask genius when I'm already in school!!!"_
> 
> _ "Come on there is a lot of time until class starts and the teachers are barely here yet. No one will even know when you slipped out of the building and it's only the first day of school. Besides who would ever think that the most innocent and best student, Serena Tsukino, would **ever** skip school?" He asked confident as he always was._
> 
> _ "She wouldn't if she didn't have a friend named Darien!" I muttered._
> 
> _ "So that means you're coming?" he smirked_
> 
> _ "I don't think that is wise." I pushed my glasses up _
> 
> _ "Alright, I'm only giving you ten seconds to decide!" He said as he lazily leaned against the wall. I stared at him hoping that he would change his mind or if I could just sneak out when he wasn't looking just for one moment. I thought about it, 'Did I really want to go to classes today?' I sighed, making up my mind and looked up to tell him my decision. He was already about out the door to the stairs ready to leave. "You coming?" He asked holding the door. _
> 
> _ "Wait up!" I called trying to catch up to him. It was like he knew I would give in and was just waiting patiently. He scared me at times with the ways that he understood me so much. I was surprised when I saw Mrs. Shield waiting outside in front of her car._
> 
> _ I stopped and made Darien stop as well. "Darien! You're mom is here and she'll kill us both if she hears that we cut school on the first day." I told him all in a whisper dragging him to a corner._
> 
> _ "Actually…she was the one who suggested it." He said in a cheerful voice and I looked at him shocked. "She thought that since we have a full week of school, we should at least get this day to hang out. But other than that she would have forbidden me from ever thinking of it." _
> 
> _ I winched hoping that he wasn't joking around. He grabbed a hold on my wrist and ran towards Mrs. Shield. "Hey mom!" she looked towards us with a smile. "Sorry it took so long…Serena here was having second thoughts."_
> 
> _ "Hi honey!" She said taking me into a warm embrace. I gave a shy smile being embarrassed of what she was allowing us to do. "Serena, if you're not comfortable than you are welcome to go back." She said noticing my apprehensiveness _
> 
> _ Darien__ gave me a hard whack on the back that almost knocked me off my feet. "Nah, she's okay mom and there is no way she is going back now!" _
> 
> _ I glared at him but he only stuck his tongue out at me. Then he opened the door for me to get in which Mrs. Shield smiled at; I knew that he wanted to impress her. And we were out of there while the rest of the student body were barely arriving. _
> 
> _ "So when did you get back?" I asked him while the soft radio was the only other thing that was any sound to our silence. _
> 
> _ "Late last night, that's why I didn't meet you until today." He answered. And our conversations grew from there while Darien spoke of his vacation. I called Susanne after school hours were over and told her that I would be over at Darien's until late. Mrs. Shields treated us to ice cream and Darien gave me the souvenir that he got for me. _
> 
> _ "Hmm…a decorated box?" I asked after taking it out of the wrappings. _
> 
> _ "Try… a music box!" He corrected sarcastically _
> 
> _ I ignored him contemplating the object. "So how do you open it? It has two key holes etched on it ." _
> 
> _ "Well, here is you're key." He said throwing it towards me and I caught it a few inches from my face. "And I have one for myself. I bought it in Florence at an Antique shop. The store owner said that it was a special kind of music box: you need two people to open it. The name of it is 'Uniting two hearts'. I thought why not give that to you…a gift that we both have a part of." _
> 
> _ "Put you're key in already!" I said impatiently not even listening to the rest of what he said. He put his key in and took a seat next to me. The top of the box split vertically out and a hologram clip played in front of us. The music was soft and the characters were animation. The clip started off with a princess on the balcony. She was looking down to where her prince stood waiting for her. They were now both under the moonlit night. He went down on his knee and held out a hand. She took his hand and they danced together while suddenly rose petals dropped from the sky around them. The music kept on while they held each other close and found themselves gazing at one another. When their lips met, there was only the image of the consistent embrace. The music stopped and the box closed on its own. "That was really beautiful Darien!" I told him amazed._
> 
> _ "I'm glad you liked it." He smiled "You can keep the box and I'll keep my key. Either way we both have to be there to see it happen again."_
> 
> _ "Are you ready to go Serena?" Mrs. Shield asked coming inside the room and I nodded. _
> 
> _ "Hey I'm comin too!" Darien said racing down the stairs before we could leave. _
> 
> _ "What I don't like about high school is that they are making us wear uniform." Darien started his usual complaining once we were inside the car. _
> 
> _ "Actually I think it's a pretty good idea, than the girls won't have the stress of what to wear to school." And as usual I disagreed with him._
> 
> _ "Yeah…I would really like to see you in a short skirt uniform" He mumbled under his breath._
> 
> _ "What was that?" I asked not liking his comment._
> 
> _ "Nothing!" he replied fast with a sweat drop. _
> 
> _ "We are here you guys." Mrs. Shield said after stopping the car in front of the front entrance but announced it knowing that we weren't paying attention at all. "Let's get a few things straight before anyone gets out of the car. Today was a privilege that you earned but you must honor this by never doing it again! NEVER again! Is that clear?" _
> 
> _ "Yes!" We both answered at once; there actually was no other acceptable answer._
> 
> _ "Serena, by the way if Darien ever tries to convince you, you have my permission to smack some sense into him." She said sarcastically._
> 
> _ "I am honored Mrs. Shield." I said before getting out of the car and received a glare from Darien. "Thanks a lot!" I yelled before closing the front door. I hummed as I got inside and found Susanne waiting for me._
> 
> _ "Long day?" She asked_
> 
> _ "Yup and boy am I wiped! Susanne you didn't have to stay for me, won't your kids get worried?" I asked passing her; acting as casual as I could, making my way to the staircase. _
> 
> _ "Actually my friend is covering it for me. So how did you enjoy you're day cutting school?" She asked, her words stopping me on my tracks._
> 
> _ "Uh…" I said surprised on how she might have found out._
> 
> _ "Mina called asking if you were sick or something because you weren't in class." She explained knowing my thoughts all too well._
> 
> _ "She did?" I asked hesitantly shocked and was deciding what to do to the idiot when I see her tomorrow._
> 
> _ "Yes she did!" She said in a tone that I knew she wasn't all too happy about the matter. "I can't believe that you would do such a thing miss Serena! And you were late coming home when you know that it is a school night. What suddenly got into you?" _
> 
> _ I looked down at the floor embarrassed trying to figure out something to say to her. "I'm sorry Susanne, it was my fault!" Mrs. Shield said from behind us. _
> 
> _ "Mrs. Shield?" Susanne asked surprised. Darien grabbed a hold of my hand at the same time and led me up the stairs._
> 
> _ "I'll explain everything to you when we get upstairs!" He whispered. He stopped near my door and let go of my hand. "Mina just called me and asked if you were with me the whole day. When I told her what happened she told me to go right away and help you out because she called earlier and told Susanne that you weren't in class." _
> 
> _ "Well at least she didn't let me get in trouble and now I'll have to reconsider killing her." I sighed relieved._
> 
> _ Darien__ looked down guilt over looking his features "I'm sorry…" he began but I cut him off by hugging him._
> 
> _ "Thanks for that save!" He looked back surprised at me when I pulled away._
> 
> _ "You're not mad?" he asked_
> 
> _ "No, why should I be?" I asked lazily leaning on the wall._
> 
> _ "Well…I almost got you into trouble when I knew that you didn't want to cut school. It was all my fault." He gave me an apologetic look_
> 
> _ "But you did give me a choice right? And I didn't make the best one so, don't feel that much guilty ok?" I asked putting a hand on his shoulder. He smiled and nodded. "So are you ready for high school tomorrow?" _
> 
> _ "To be honest…no." He said in a shy manner "I'm glad I got to spend today with you. It would be weird without you around. I'm kind of nervous because I didn't even get to visit the school over the summer. So tomorrow I'll be a lost soul wandering the halls." I gave a slight laugh._
> 
> _ "You'll get used to it!" I assured him. _
> 
> _ "Well, I'm ready to call it a night. I'll see you later okay?" He said as he pat my hand and disappeared down the stairs. _
> 
> _ "All right, Mrs. Shield as long as I have your word." Susanne sighed_
> 
> _ "I'm sorry if I have troubled you Susanne." She says before she is out the door. _
> 
> _ "No problem Mrs. Shield." Susanne said and then closed the door turning to me while I stood on the second floor near the railings of the stairs. "Don't get used to this compromising, because if it does happen again I don't care who tries to cover up for you!" She said with a frown._
> 
> _ "I love you Susanne!" I said to her in a soft voice. She looked at me then shook her head._
> 
> _ "God help me from those words of hers that I don't turn out spoiling her." She said it aloud to herself but I knew it was directed towards me. "Well, you are all Mr. James' responsibility now." She said as she grabbed her purse and left. The house was in silence now. With mother and father always away and Sam who had attended boarding school it was normal that I was alone at home. Susanne was around during the day and James 'the butler' was my guardian at night. He was always strict with me and not half as easy going as Susanne. He had a strong accent that sometimes confused me on what he meant._
> 
> _ "You should head for you chambers Miss Serena!" He said startling me from behind. I didn't answer but headed to my room. After closing the door I looked to where the music box now stood. I ran my fingers back and forth on the designing of the box and smiled to myself. Darien…he was so lucky to have his mom. Mrs. Shields was the best mother anyone could ask for. She always encouraged him in everything that he tried to accomplish. She let him make a lot of choices on his own but guided him in everyway she knew how. She allowed him some privileges that other parents wouldn't dare to and unlike other kids he didn't want to hurt her so he followed everything she asked of him. They were more good friends than mother and son. Mrs. Shield understood that I was a loner the first day Darien introduced me to her. She pulled me in with them and I was always invited to be around. Sometimes it felt like I practically lived with them. _
> 
> _ Despite Darien's relationship with his mother he never really knew his father that well. Mr. Shield owned two major import and export companies and just like my case was never around. He was awfully formal with everyone and didn't like it at all when Darien called him dad but preferred to be called sir. It was a wonder how Mr. and Mrs. Shields could be married because their personalities were so much different from each other. Darien says that his mom claims Mr. Shields wasn't always like that, that he changed a lot over the years but that no matter what he should respect his father. I sometimes forgot that he even had a father. _
> 
> _ It was strange that when I found Darien I also found his mom. He almost reflected her in many ways. But I was grateful to both of them because of how they pulled me in with them. When the three of us were together I felt the feeling of being wanted and I liked that feeling. Our days were always filled with laughter and joy. But that horrible winter morning in the same year was something that had thrown us all off. _


	3. Chapter 2

> _Chapter 2…_
> 
> _ It was December; the dreaded month that students were hoping would pass soon. The weather outside was unbearable and with the second term coming to an end, everything was hectic. Only two weeks till Christmas vacation was the bit of excitement that ran through some peoples minds. But none of that was out of the ordinary: the days of December turned out ugly at first but always ended with happiness. _
> 
> _ That happiness was brought by Christmas. It was a Saturday afternoon and Darien and I found ourselves making the list of presents to give to our closest friends. Of course we would never tell each other what we were planning for ourselves. It became a ritual between us that no matter what the present was it had to hold a strong meaning towards it. It was something I dreaded because I wasn't good with presents. _
> 
> _ Darien lay in a chair sinking into it, his head facing the ceiling. His eyes were glued to empty space and he was deep in thought. _
> 
> _ "This whole business is too complicated. I know only what to give to Mina." I said looking up from my papers. "Should I get Lita a chef's apron? But I bet she already has tons of them. Then there is the question of Rei, I'm not sure what to give her at all. What do you think Darien?"_
> 
> _ He merely shrugged at my question. "Are you okay? You haven't said a word since you got here. What's up?" I asked him putting everything else aside._
> 
> _ "Nothing!" He muttered in a low voice still staring at the ceiling. I wasn't aware that it ever was that interesting. I pulled my chair towards where he was sitting and sank into it like him and was now staring at the empty space that he was lost in. _
> 
> _ "Hey, that square reflects the other one; I never knew that ceilings could be so geometric." I said in a distant voice. He turned to me and then ruffled my hair giving me a smile. "I feel down when you're down because the rest of the time you're always cheerful."_
> 
> _ "Yeah?" He asked._
> 
> _ I stopped my self from asking what was wrong again: I knew he would get aggravated. So I decided to change the subject, "This Christmas, what are you planning for you mom?" _
> 
> _ His head suddenly shot up, "How did you know that it was about her?"_
> 
> _ I flinched at his sudden reaction. "I didn't, it was just a random question."_
> 
> _ "Oh!" He said now resuming his position. Before I could ask he beat me to it by answering the question in my mind. "She's been so distant these past few months that it's like I don't even know her anymore."_
> 
> _ "I guess even parents need a lot of space." I said still watching him._
> 
> _ "What do you know about parents at all, yours are barely ever around!" He muttered subtly. Hurt by his sentence I looked down. "Oh my god Sere, I didn't mean to say that…"_
> 
> _ "Out loud?" I asked finishing for him in a low voice._
> 
> _ Taken aback he got up on his feet and went to gather his belongings, "I should go!" he said heading towards the door. _
> 
> _ I sighed composing myself by getting up as well and putting the list away. I stopped when I felt his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry about today and what I just said." He said sincerely._
> 
> _ I gave him a half smile "Don't worry about it." He nodded then made his way to the door. Before he headed out the front door I yelled for him from the stairs. "Hey by the way I forgot to ask, you coming shopping tomorrow?" _
> 
> _ He gave a shrug "I'll think about it and then call you." He said then closed the door behind him. _
> 
> _
> 
> * * *
> 
> Home! He breathed. It wasn't the same sensation that he used to get when he was home. His mother had suddenly backed out on all the things that they had used to do together. Wasn't he the one that was supposed to do that? He was in high school and it was a hurt to his pride if his mother thought that he was too old to do the things they do together before he could. But that wasn't it; it wasn't as if he was a momma's boy. No, that wasn't it at all! _
> 
> _ He came to her whenever he needed to talk and ask for advice. And she was this wise being that gave out a lesson every time he came. She was laid back staying a distance when he had friends over and giving him space to make decisions of his own. And that was what he liked about her. But her once carefree nature was gone and she was quiet. He wondered if it was okay for kids to say that they were worried for their parent. He imagined himself talking to Serena, drinking coke and he suddenly saying "I'm worried about mom, she doesn't get around much!" He chuckled at the thought. He entered the kitchen hoping that she was in there so that he could talk but was disappointed when he saw the maid, Nancy._
> 
> _ "Are you looking for your mother?" She asked smiling, looking up from her work. _
> 
> _ "Yes, do you know where she is?" He asked patiently._
> 
> _ "She left a few hours ago saying that she had something important to do and has not yet retuned." She said while she went back to preparing food. "Would you like something to eat?"_
> 
> _ "No, I ate already at Serena's but hold off dinner until mom gets back okay?" he requested before leaving the room. _
> 
> _ "As you wish!" She answered and he entered into his room. **'I guess even parents need a lot of space.'** the words echoed off in his mind. He sank into his chair by the computer. Maybe she was right; maybe his mom did need a lot of space._
> 
> _ 'How much space do you need?' he thought to himself. She barely even talked to him in weeks. Well tonight he decided that he would insist her to have dinner together and then ask her what was wrong. This whole thing will be squared away today because he was frustrated with it. So he waited patiently and studied to pass time. _
> 
> _ He excitedly got up and rushed downstairs when the clock turned seven o'clock. It was their normal hour for dinner every night and the dining room was all set up with food. Nancy looked up as Darien came in and gave him a smile. _
> 
> _ "Go ahead and call mom!" He said taking a seat._
> 
> _ "Actually, she still hasn't returned." The maid replied serving him some food. _
> 
> _ "Well has she called at least?" He asked worriedly._
> 
> _ "No, she hasn't." Came the reply_
> 
> _ Darien__ was now really worried, 'where could she be for this long and why didn't she call to say when she'll be back?' he thought to himself. "Nancy, I'll wait till she comes home." _
> 
> _ The maid only nodded. He went into the family room and turned on the T.V. He glanced at the clock after a while to what now read 9:15. He sighed wondering where she was and then turned back to the monitor. The noise from the television was distant to him as he was on the verge of his eyes beginning to close. He jumped as he heard a door slam hard. He eyed the watch sleepily; it was already 12:30. _
> 
> _ He got up and went to the hall that leads to the front entrance. He saw a shadowy figure leaning against the door. As he came closer he saw that it was his mother, paler than a ghost and was panting to get her breathing straight. He studied her closely, this was the first time he realized the wrinkles underneath her eyes. _
> 
> _ "Mom?" He asked surprised at her appearance. He inched closer toward her and reached out to grab a hold of her hand "What's wrong?"_
> 
> _ She jerked away from him "Why are you still up?" She asked in cold voice._
> 
> _ "I was just…" He was about to reply but she cut him off._
> 
> _ "I don't have the patience to handle this…go to bed right now!" She yelled and went past him stumbling up the stairs; it almost looked like she would fall any second. He was still shocked at her reactions and was hurt as well. _
> 
> _ "Sir, what should I do with dinner?" Nancy asked from behind him. _
> 
> _ "Throw it out…do whatever…I don't give a damn!" He snapped at her then stomped up to his room and slammed the door shut. _
> 
> _ At the darkest hour of night he woke to a soft hand stroking his hair. He knew that it was his mother and he wanted to get up and hug her and ask her what was wrong. But he did neither and stayed in his position turned around on his left. It's been a long time that she was ever that close to him and he didn't want to disturb it. He felt a warm tear fall on his cheek and he badly wanted to hug her. She kissed his right cheek and whispered the words "I love you!" to him thinking that he still was asleep. In a moments time she had left his room and he sat up, all the anger that he had towards her now suddenly slid away to the shadows of his dark room. _
> 
> _ The next morning he woke up late and after the morning jog at 10 a.m. a bright idea hit him. He instantly picked up the phone. "Hey, Serena, you still have plans on going shopping today? Great! I'll meet you in about half an hour." He said excitedly and hung up the phone. _
> 
> _ He went toward his mother's room to tell her that he would go out; he never went out without telling her where he would be. But before he could enter he heard another voice coming from her room._
> 
> _ "You should have never trusted him!" The smooth and even voice said to his mother. _
> 
> _ "Aunt Lily?" He asked walking in on them; interrupting the two women. _
> 
> _ "Well, how is my favorite nephew in the world doing?" She asked rushing to give him a hug. _
> 
> _ "I'm the only nephew you have!" He stated after she let go of him. He wasn't fond of the way she was an alcoholic and she smelled like she had been drinking. A dedicated attorney that fought till the end for every one of her cases like herself turned to alcohol from the stress of her career. _
> 
> _ She smirked and ruffled his hair. "That too."_
> 
> _ Darien slowly bent to the right to get a better view of his mother. "Hey mom, I'm gonna go to the mall with Serena and then be over at hers until late."_
> 
> _ His mom looked at him surprised that he was talking to her after last night. She only nodded and then looked away. "By the way, I have a favor to ask!" He said before leaving "Could you please let me borrow the family album, I need it for a project that I'm doing."_
> 
> _ "I'll have it for you when you get back." She answered in a low voice not looking at him. Just as he was about to head out the door his aunt got in the way. _
> 
> _ "Wait just a second there young man!" She said to him with a frown. He wondered what he did wrong. "How often do I come here?" She asked in a serious tone that she never used with him. _
> 
> _ "Not often!" He said right away_
> 
> _ "Then why are you leaving without asking me for anything?" She asked still being serious. He sighed relieved that he wasn't in trouble. "Here you go; you can use my credit card for anything that you two want to buy. But give it back to your mom once you're done k."_
> 
> _ "Thanks aunty!" He yelled now leaving the room. Lily smiled at his teenage vivacity._
> 
> _ "He's grown a lot since the last time I saw him!" She said as she turned to her sister. "Think about him at least and the environment that he is growing in." _
> 
> _ "Darien…" his mother whispered self consciously. _
> 
> _ "Anyhow…" Lily continued after she had just made herself a drink from the small bar in the bedroom that was hardly ever used. "There still is time. Leave him Rose! Take Darien and leave him forever!"_
> 
> _ "No…" Rose said in between sobs. "I can't leave him!" she now yelled. Her sister was taken back by surprise at her tone. "I know that he has hurt me but I love him too much. He is my world, my family… my everything. I could never live without him!" _
> 
> _ Lily looked down while Rose was now filled with tears. "Foolish little sister!" She muttered in frustration taking another sip of her drink. "You could have been something but you became blind with his love. Love isn't as great as you think it is. After my divorce…you should have learned from it. I remember you're wedding day; how happy you were and how you left everything for this kind of life. Well what did you get from it? You remember my words to you on that day don't you?"_
> 
> _ "You and your damn words…isn't that what you always wanted… for this day to come?" Rose said pounding her fists on the coffee table. "You told me that the effects of this marriage will die down in a year. But now that it has happened are you happy now?"_
> 
> _ "Oh, Rose!" Lily got up to comfort her sister. _
> 
> _ "After all that has happened, don't taunt me anymore okay…please don't!" She almost begged in the embrace of her sister. Lily set her down on a chair. _
> 
> _ "It'll be okay!" She said in a soft voice._
> 
> _ "It hurts so much but I can't leave him." She said her eyes teary again._
> 
> _ "Shh… don't say anymore!" Her older sister ran a hand over her hair. "Here, try some of this." She offered her drink. _
> 
> _ "But I don't…" Rose protested _
> 
> _ "Just try it…it'll help you calm down." She said handing it to her. Rose took it from her and when she was gulping it down, it burned at her throat. She didn't care, Lily was right it did calm her down. _
> 
> _ "What do I do…Lily, what do I do now?" She asked in a small voice. _
> 
> _ Lily sighed watching her miserable baby sister. "Rose, I'm sorry! I didn't want you to go through any pain. I only wanted you to be happy; I thought that he wasn't the right guy for you. I didn't think anyone was. You were too full of life and talent that I wanted you to be something. I'm sorry to get on your back again after what you are going through. What I mean is that you should think about things now that it has come to this! And if you need me, I'm only a phone call away." _
> 
> _ Lily got up and grabbed her purse. "I have to go and meet with a client." She stopped and turned around once more. "You're strong Rose, and I know that what ever happens, you'll get through it. Everything will turn out okay, you'll see!" And then after those words she was gone. _
> 
> ****
> 
> **_ 'Everything will turn out okay' _**_the words rang in Rose's mind. She clenched her teeth: nothing will ever be okay! But why was this happening to her? Why? She tried in her right mind to be the good mother and wife. So why then was everything in pieces now when it once used to be a whole. _
> 
> _ She got up and poured herself more alcohol. She was never a drinker but needed it to calm her down so that she was able to think. She remembered that Darien wanted the family albums. She took another sip of her drink then placed it down while she opened the lamp table drawer and took out the albums. She placed them on top of the coffee table in the bedroom while sitting down in the arm chair right next to it. _
> 
> _ She picked up the drink once more and took another sip and suddenly had the urge to go through the album. The first picture was of her and her husband on their wedding day. Thoughts clouded her mind as she looked at the picture. She took another sip of her drink. Then there were other ones like the first time she held Darien as he was brought to her after his birth and her husband stood next to her. With every picture her mind was flooded with memories and the more they came the more she drank trying to calm down. _
> 
> _
> 
> * * *
> 
> _
> 
> _ Darien was now at a new store and had finally decided on a beautiful notebook that was the first step to his plan. I stood next to him while he paid. The only thing that I bought was the present for Mina; a collection of movies that I knew she loved by her favorite actress. I blanked out not knowing what else to buy but Darien was anxious as ever, scanning from one store to the other. _
> 
> _ "Uh… Darien." I said after we were out of there. "What exactly are you planning for your mom?"_
> 
> _ "I just got the perfect idea of a gift for her this morning. But I'll need you to help of course so you could say that it is from you as well!" He said excitedly._
> 
> _ "As long as it is nothing crazy, I'm willing to help." I said as we were now inside the limo ready to be taken home. _
> 
> _ "Actually it's nothing of the sort." He assured and then continued. "I was planning to make her a book about her self along with some poetry, side comments, and of course pictures."_
> 
> _ "That's a great idea!" I said approving._
> 
> _ "I know, because I thought of it." He said swelling with pride and I frowned at his cockiness. "I know that you're big with poetry and stuff so could you help me out?" _
> 
> _ "I guess I don't have a choice. After all it is my gift towards her as well right?" I asked lifting an eyebrow. _
> 
> _ "Yeah, yeah!" He said leaning in on his seat. "All right, I don't have the pictures today so we'll only work on the writing portion of it." He said as he lay everything down and we got to work. After two hours he sat exhausted. _
> 
> _ "Let's call it a day, okay?" He asked stretching _
> 
> _ "Tired already huh?" I asked lazily; in a way glad and put my amount of work away. _
> 
> _ "Thanks for all you're help!" He said giving me a hug before leaving._
> 
> _ "Don't mention it!" I replied and then retired for the day._
> 
> _
> 
> * * *
> 
> _
> 
> _ Through the ride back home he remembered that he had his Aunt's credit card and was now disappointed that he didn't think of really using it. And he knew that his mother would have wanted it back today. If he had been on his mischievous mood that card wouldn't have a penny left on it. After returning home he turned the card in his hands contemplating it while he was on his way to hand it over to his mother. Just as he turned the knob and opened the door to her bedroom he saw that the room was still dark and that she didn't have any lights on. He immediately went to the side of the bed and turned on a lamp. _
> 
> _ A figure flinched at the light and he saw that she was half way sitting on the chair and the other half of her was on the floor. "Mom?" He asked surprised of the position that she was in. He studied her surrounding…there were pictures all over the place; all of them were of the family. Next to the pictures was a glass rolled on its side and a bottle next to that. _
> 
> _ "Da…hic…Darien." She managed to say. It didn't take long for him to figure that she had been drinking. _
> 
> _ "You were drinking?" He asked disgusted. She stumbled to get up and grab a hold of the bottle again but he took it out of her reach._
> 
> _ "Darien…give me the bottle back!" She said in a serious tone. _
> 
> _ "No mom!" He said still enraged at her behavior "What the hell is going on with you. First you don't talk to me anymore and now you start drinking!"_
> 
> _ "Give it back!" She repeated._
> 
> _ "You're not getting this back!" He said as he held his firm stubbornness. She now fought with him over it. He was surprised at her actions. _
> 
> _ "Give me…" She said as she tried to get it from his grip "…the bottle! Damn it Darien!" She yelled and before she knew it, her hand went flying hard at his cheeks. At the same time the bottle dropped to the floor now becoming a million pieces. Time itself stopped at this moment. _
> 
> _ She covered her mouth with her hand. Tears threatened to fall as he felt the stinging on his cheek. Everything was brought back to life as she tried to speak. "Darien…I" _
> 
> _ Darien__ was brought back from his shock as he heard her voice. He stomped out of the room not letting her finish. _
> 
> _ "…didn't mean it!" She now whispered to the silent room. A tear escaped her eyes until she dropped slowly to floor near the broken glass and wept uncontrollably. _


	4. Chapter 3

> _Chapter 3…_
> 
> _ Darien hit the alarm clock right after he heard its shriek. Nancy's trick of always putting it set and right near his ears after he was asleep, always worked in waking him up at the right time. He groaned as he got out of bed the effects of the shrieking still echoed in his ears. Today was not a good day and it was already assumed with the way his head ached. He swore that he got up on the wrong side of the bed. Going to do his usual routine in the morning he headed towards the bathroom. After brushing his teeth he entered to the other side of the shower doors. Just as the water touched his skin the events of last night had hit him._
> 
> _ He was more angry now than confused as to why his mother suddenly was acting the way she was. The rush of water was gone after he turned the shower's knob. He took his time drying and was now on his way to getting dressed in his uniform. High School was really something else! There was such tough competition that he couldn't afford to slack off. Every class demanded that his grades stay at least a B before they kick him out of it. _
> 
> _ The uniform was something else as well because the teachers expected their students to be well groomed and prepared when entering their classroom. The prep school that he attended was held in high standards all throughout the country so the staff made sure that students kept that reputation going. "Damn!" He cursed when he saw that he hadn't planned ahead and made sure that his Tie was prepared. For he couldn't have tied one if he tried hours. Great! He was starting to get late because he kept on making lousy knots. He gave up and grabbed his book bag and headed down the hall._
> 
> _ He stopped when he heard a quiet laughter coming from the bedroom of his mother. He kept on going ignoring it but stopped when he heard a loud thump. He rushed to see what it was and peeked in from the small opening of the door. His mother was tumbled over at the floor now hysterical with laughter. But there was something strange and painful in it. He shook his head in disgust while rushing to get to his chauffer. 'Jeez, what a drunk!' He thought to himself after stuffing his body inside the car. There was no way he would come back home to this. He decided that he would crash over at Serena's or at Andrew's; anywhere but this nutshell. _
> 
> * * *
> 
> Mina put her bag inside and closed the door while my chauffer drove us home. I moved my gaze from the window to look at her but found her looking at her mirror seriously with so much attention while reapplying her mascara. 
> 
> _ "Gosh Mina, I'm really flattered that you are trying to look good for me!" I tell her sarcastically. _
> 
> _ "Shut up, Serena!" She shoots back, still going at it. "You're ruining my concentration!"_
> 
> _ "Why can't you ever pay attention like that in class?" I ask half joking but all the more really wondering. _
> 
> _ "Its not my fault that they don't have hot teachers who would have my full attention. Mr. Simmons has such a monotonous voice that I fall asleep in science class after his first sentence." She whined while she put her makeup away and took out a magazine. "Now, take this guy and have him teach a class, I'll make sure I pass with the highest grade." _
> 
> _I smirked looking to where she was pointing; the picture was of a guy with a well built and toned body. He didn't have a shirt on and his bare chest screamed attention. He had a basket ball in one hand and he was modeling for a new pair of Adidas sneakers. "Of course you would! HE would mark you right for answering that asexual reproduction is when you have babies from having sex." _
> 
> _ She gave me a death glare and I laughed getting her at her weak spot. "So I didn't study or even look at the chapter but I read the question wrong! I thought they were asking for a sexual reproduction, honest!" (A/N By the way those who aren't familiar with biology; Asexual reproduction is reproduction that requires only one parent and Sexual reproduction, which I'm sure you all know but anyway, is the reproduction that requires two parents. The joke sounds lame if I have to explain it. Sigh! Let's go on) _
> 
> _ "Even then, it isn't the definition of the term you 'thought' it was." I reply it matter-of-factly and I know that she is about to choke me. _
> 
> _ "Are you going to help me or make fun of me!?!?" She demands nearly deafening me. I think of something else to say but realize that I was really on a roll today at smart mouthing her, so I stop. The car stops in front of the mansion and we get out. We walk quietly without saying anything to each other. _
> 
> _ "By the way the stuff that I'll try to help you on is pretty difficult but you'll need to score high on this coming test. This is your last chance at improving your grades!" I tell her seriously but it feels like I'm lecturing her. I say the next thing that comes to mind as I entered through the front door and she is behind me lost in her magazine. "So, if you feel like you don't understand anything then let me know, okay?"_
> 
> _ "What I don't understand is why we even have to learn this crap!" She mutters in between turning pages. I get angry at her statement and grab the magazine from her and throw it to the floor. "Hey!" She says annoyed._
> 
> _ "You know what's crap?" I ask her not wanting a reply and continue on. "That is crap!" I point to the magazine._
> 
> _ "I'm tired of you complaining all the time about how you hate school when both you and I know that you have the potential to be an honor student. And that every time there is a test coming up, you come to me and don't even pay attention and always claim that you studied!" To her its another lecture while she looks at the floor waiting for me to finish. I walk over to the where the magazine is and pick it up. "I know that you are going through a rough time with your parents divorcing but you can't just completely shut down like this! For just once, put this stuff away and try to do well, at least for me!" I hand her the magazine. _
> 
> _ She looks at me with guilt in her eyes and hesitantly takes it, then stuffs it in her bag. I notice the silence in her after I mention the divorce between her parents. She entered this school year four months ago with the most pessimistic attitude I had ever seen in her. It was like she totally didn't care about anything anymore and is barely the Mina I knew. I feel horrible when she doesn't say anything for five whole minuets. I think of something to take her away from her thoughts. _
> 
> _ "And if it does grab your attention while I'm explaining things then imagine me as the model in that picture." I feel silly telling her that but try to put enthusiasm into my words. "With a bare chest, hairy legs, big arms and arm pit hair. Yup! I can see myself in that form already." I say smiling after seeing a smile on Mina's face. We both flinch when we hear someone choke and were now coughing. _
> 
> _ There stood Darien the whole time leaning on the wall, drinking coke and we had no clue that he was there. We stood over him while he composed of himself and cocked an eyebrow "Armpit hair?" _
> 
> _ Mina giggled and I blushed. "Well, if it isn't arts and crafts boy!" I said trying to change the subject cause I felt like a total idiot. "Have you returned for the second session? I don't think I'll be able to help; Mina and I are going to study for the test tomorrow."_
> 
> _ "So I've heard!" He says grinning, still noticing the embarrassment in my cheeks. "Don't worry, I'm not in the mood for that stuff, you guys go ahead and study." _
> 
> _ "Before that, could we have a break to eat? I'm starving!" Mina is patting her belly. _
> 
> _ "Sure, you guys wanna go out or have Susanne's homemade cooking?" I ask._
> 
> _ "Would it be okay if you guys went out?" Susanne asks from behind me. "My little Freddy has got the flu and I told him that I would come home early!"_
> 
> _ "Susanne, why did you even come to work today?" I ask noticing the worry in her eyes. "You better hurry to him and please tell him I hope he feels better!" I say while I give her a shove towards the door. _
> 
> _ We all stare at Susanne while she leaves feeling bad for her because she had no one to help take care of her kids. I turn to the two of them "I guess this means we're going out!"_
> 
> _ Mina took a seat at a table and we followed her. The restaurant is at a quiet atmosphere and the waitress is getting our orders right away. We sit in silence waiting for our food to come. _
> 
> _ "Umm…Mina?" Darien asks shattering the silence. "Don't mind me asking this…but why are your parents divorced?" _
> 
> _ I look at Mina who stiffens at the question. I sense a need to help her out "Uh… Darien…I think that its best if you didn't ask her…"_
> 
> _ "No, Serena." Mina says in a low voice "Everyone will ask questions that I want to avoid. But I'm bound to answer them any day now!"_
> 
> _I nod at her when I'm sure that she doesn't seem upset. The waitress brings our food and then is gone to serve new customers that enter. She picks at the food in front of her and starts out with a sigh. "Over summer vacation…my mom found out that my dad has been having an affair with another woman for about a year now._
> 
> _ Darien and I shoot glances at each other then turn back to her. "Life was hell in that house for the past few months because they would fight so much. That was until mom moved out and went to live with her parents two weeks ago. The court decided that I would live with dad and on the weekends I would be with mom. I hate going home because at times his girlfriend is over. And mom has changed so much! She goes out a lot to night clubs and has a new guy every day trying to get back at dad. But it's not like he cares at all what she does now." _
> 
> _ "What I don't understand is if he has the guts to have an affair why did he keep it from her for so long?" Darien asked _
> 
> _ "I don't know! He's never around much anyway and I just have this suspicion that he thought he could get away with it. I mean mom trusted him a lot and I guess he thought that he could take an advantage of her trust. Or maybe he just fell out of love with her." She sighed once more, her food laid still untouched. She finally picked up the fork and began to eat. "Its hard to accept the way things are, for me. We are one happy family one minuet and just when I close my eyes we're all separated."_
> 
> _ "But Mina, you know that you will always have your friends to be there for you." I reach out to put my hand on top of hers. _
> 
> _ "I know!" She nods closing her eyes while I notice a tear drop from it. "By the way Serena?" _
> 
> _ "Hmm?" I ask raising my head to look at her._
> 
> _ "Thanks for pushing me and not giving up on me!" She said with all sincerity._
> 
> _ "Is that so?" I ask while I pay the bill. "Well then don't thank me yet because I'm going to push you even harder this evening!"_
> 
> _ Darien stays quite the rest of the way and follows us back to my house. It is so unlike him though but I think it had to do with what Mina said had happened between her parents. Mina left late as she could because just as I had promised her I was pushing until she understood. Darien stayed and was also done with his homework. _
> 
> _ "Hey…uh…Serena?" He asked me timidly. It was the only thing he had said in hours to me. _
> 
> _ "Yeah Darien?" I answer not looking up from my books._
> 
> _ "Would it be okay if I stayed over for a couple of days?" His voice is low and it takes me some time until I understand him. I glare at him for a long time. After he feels uncomfortable he asks "What?"_
> 
> _ "Why are you acting like I'm some stranger you met twenty minuets ago?" I ask still annoyed with his request. "You really think you have to ask to stay over? This house is as much yours as it is mines!"_
> 
> _ He only nods to let me know he was sorry. "But Darien?" I ask _
> 
> _ "Yeah?"_
> 
> _ "Won't your mom be worried?" I ask curiously seeing that he never would ask to stay over._
> 
> _ He stiffens at the question and looks down at the floor his voice dropping. "I don't think she will even remember."_
> 
> _ "What?" I ask wondering if I heard right._
> 
> _ He leans his head against the sofa and sighs. "You remember how I told you that she isn't herself at all these days?"_
> 
> _ "Yeah." I answer patiently waiting for his explanation. _
> 
> _ "Well now she has picked up drinking." He says his voice rising in anger as he said the words. _
> 
> _ "Are you serious?" I asked shocked_
> 
> _ "Yup!" He says in a sad voice. "And when I tried to take it away from her, she…she slapped me."_
> 
> _ I stared at him for a long time. "She wouldn't…" I trail off. _
> 
> _ "Who knows what else she will do these days!" He mutters. "I'm tired Serena…if you will you excuse me…"_
> 
> _ "Yeah, go ahead to bed!" I tell him and he leaves to the bedroom right next to mine. The mansion consisted of five guest bedrooms and one of them has officially become his room. He slept there every time we had a sleep over. His spare clothes were left in the closet and it was almost as if he lived there. _
> 
> _ I sighed thinking of today that started out with Mina and ended with Darien. But his mom picking up alcohol and being violent was just out of the question of things to expect. _
> 
> _ After putting my books away I head over to check on Darien. I slowly turn the knob and leave a small opening to the door to peek in. Darien is already asleep. I could hear his heavy breathing while his chest rises and falls in an even and peaceful pace. I wish things weren't the way they are between him and his mom. He had seemed so enthusiastic just yesterday planning out the perfect gift to her. _
> 
> _ I close the door and head to my bed deciding that I should talk him into helping her because something must be gravely wrong. But such things are better said than done. Two days pass by and I don't have the guts to bring up the subject once again. He stays over for those two days for the most part being silent which is one side of Darien I could never get used to. The next morning it snows for the first time after the consistent freezing weather. It snows so much that School is canceled. _
> 
> _ It is early in the morning and I sit near the fire place. Darien walks in all groggily and settles down next to me. I offer him some of my hot chocolate but he declines. He gets up to look out the window at the piles of snow that fall silently. "Serena, you remember last year how my mom told us that the best time to experience snow was at night?"_
> 
> _ "Yeah." I say staring at my hot chocolate._
> 
> _ "Then when it got dark, we went out together and it wasn't really that dark because of the whiteness of everything. And we spent the rest of the time sleighing down the hill, making a snow man and the snow angels. It was great because no one else was there but us." He said turning away from the window to look at me._
> 
> _ "She was right, it is better at night time!" I say recollecting on the memories._
> 
> _ "I miss all of that!" He says his eyes now saddening. "What happened to those days?" He asks no one in general. _
> 
> _ I don't know how to answer and decide to tell him how I feel about this whole thing. "You know what I think Darien?" He doesn't answer so I continue "I think that you shouldn't question her about why she is in a melancholy state but rather be with her and provide your comfort."_
> 
> _ He gives me a look that says 'who asked you?' and says "I don't think I can…not after she has started drinking!"_
> 
> _ I stare at him and look past his anger. I see a son who is worried that he is losing his mother. "You know Darien, you are so lucky that you have at least one parent that you are so close to. Someone that is there for you, understands you but most importantly loves you so much!"_
> 
> _ He looks at me taken aback. "You were right when you said that I barely know my parents. But you know your mom and the way she has been is not who she really is. And I know that she has hurt you…but she must be hurt too for a deeper reason." I press his guilt in to him and it is visible in his eye._
> 
> _ He is in deep thought and doesn't say anything for a long time. "So, what should I do?" He finally asks._
> 
> _ "Go and be with her you idiot!" I tell him softly "Keep her company! She must be really lonely to turn to alcohol!"_
> 
> _ He suddenly gets up and clenches his fists. I could see a new energy of motivation spread across his eyes. "I should really go home!" He says as he is almost out of the room. _
> 
> _ "In this weather?" I asked surprised. But I don't think he hears me because he grabs his jacket and is already out the door. _
> 
> _
> 
> * * *
> 
> _
> 
> _ The wind makes his nose turn a pinkish color but he doesn't care. The snow softens and it doesn't make it difficult for him to see anymore. He has a quiet and peaceful walk through the streets of pure whiteness. No one is really outside at the current time and barely a few cars drive by as he crosses. He remembers Serena's words. 'She really must be lonely!' He thinks to himself. _
> 
> _ He suddenly remembers his mother's gentle and carefree smile that always seemed to comfort him. He sighed wishing his stubbornness hadn't gotten in the way. Strange things were happening and were happening a little too fast for him to really think about the things that mattered. What really mattered was his mother and he needed to be there for her through her pain. _
> 
> _ He was too lost in thoughts to notice the commotion that took place near the Shield's estate. But it didn't take long because the first thing he saw were the police and the flashing of the ambulance near the driving lot of his house. He became worried at the sight in front of him and quickened into a jog to see what had happened. _
> 
> _ When he entered the house, it was crowded with everyone stirring about a situation. He noticed his father talking to a few police officers looking like he was about to have a nervous breakdown. Darien tried to get through everyone to ask him why he suddenly was home and what was going on. But he stopped when he saw a body being strolled away covered with white sheets. The sheet had caught on to something while they were taking the body away. The sheet being pulled in another direction revealed a face. _
> 
> _ The face was blue and it looked like the person was robbed of every bit of warmth in their body. The eyes were closed forever. His heart had stopped hoping that his thoughts wouldn't be true. But he had no doubt now recognizing the hair. That beautiful hair. _
> 
> _ "MOM!?!" His shriek had stopped everything. Everyone now turned to the boy. It was as if time had stopped and there wasn't a single movement. The house was in utter silence just like the falling snow. _
> 
> _ Police Autopsy _
> 
> _Name: Rosemarie Shield _
> 
> _Age: 38_
> 
> _Date of death: December 13_
> 
> _Time of death: 4:00 am _
> 
> _Time found: 7:30 am_
> 
> _Cause of death: Alcohol poisoning. _
> 
> I'm really sorry you guys! I tried really hard to finish up to where I last left off. But everything that has been going on in my life really limited time for me. So what is going to happen is that I will update with four chapters at a time until my scheduling for updating is caught up with what it is suppose to be like chapter 25 and on every Friday. I hope you guys like this new version of the story…a few parts of the original plot are the same. Please review and let me know of your thoughts!


	5. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4…_

_ The freezing wind made my cheeks hurt and my body shiver. It had gotten worse over the few days from snowing over to temperatures dropping below zero. But no matter how the weather was we were all present at Mrs. Shields' funeral. Everyone was there to pay their respect; Andrew, Greg, Mina, Amy, all except for Darien. He hadn't left his room in the past week. Mina was at my side hugging me and letting me rest my head on her shoulder while I cried. Mrs. Shield meant a lot to me and neither I nor anyone here could believe or want to believe that she was gone. My thoughts suddenly went to Darien wondering what he was going through. _

_ My chauffer opened the door for me getting the sense that I wasn't doing too well when I stood near it for ten minuets without reaching for the knob. The car slowly left the cemetery and I realized that this is where she now would forever lie. "Do you want me to take you home, Miss Serena?" the driver asked. _

_ "No!" I replied right away "Please drive me to Darien's…" _

_ "Yes, Madam!" He affirmed and left me in silence. The shield's estate was filled with people trying to comfort the family of their loss. But these things never helped and I hoped that no one was telling Darien that they were sorry for his loss. What did they know about how much pain he must be going through? Or what he had lost? _

_ I tried to find Darien but failed to find him in the crowd. Instead I found Nancy whose eyes were bloodshot. "Miss Serena…" She got out before taking me into a tight embrace. I felt her tears fall on my hair. "What will happen to Darien? He was too young to lose his mother." She said in between sobs._

_ "Where is Darien?" I asked my voice shaking. _

_ She led me away from the crowd and was now climbing the stairs while I followed behind her. "He hasn't come out of his room in so many days. The only time I see him is to leave his food in there in hopes that he would eat." _

_ "Nancy…" I say as we stop near his room. "Were you the one that found her…?" I trail off not wanting to say the rest. _

_ "Yes!" She answered, her voice low. _

_ "That morning…" She began, fixing her eyes on the floor. "…I was going to check on her and get her breakfast ready for her. She hadn't eaten dinner the night before… but when I…" She tried to control her sobs. "…she was just lying there… so still. And her skin was so blue, it looked like she was put in a freezer." Nancy covered her mouth then ran past me into the long hallway and entered into a room._

_ Tears flowed like a river from my eyes because just for a second I felt like I had seen that image of her. I desperately went to Darien's door and knocked on it wanting to hug him badly. There was nothing but the echo of the tapping due to the contact of my hand with the wooden door. "Darien!" I choked out but there was still no answer. "Darien please…" I begged "…please Darien open this door!"_

_ There was nothing but a sickening silence that followed, terrifying me. I wanted to be with him and hold him tight and offer him a shoulder to cry on. But none of that was possible while this door was still between us. He had locked it… so I couldn't be able to reach him. And there was this gut feeling in my stomach that told me that I might never be able to reach him again. I sat on the floor leaning my back against the door and banged the back of my head on it. And I cried wishing that this was only a night mare that I would soon awaken from. But this was reality and there was nothing I could do to turn back time._

_

* * *

Darien opened his door half an hour after Serena was gone. He had heard her crying but she was the last person that he wanted to see. For the past week he had isolated himself from everyone because the last image of his mother had haunted him every moment. He was just quiet not uttering a single word. The death of his mother had brought the cheerful being to suddenly find comfort in silence._

_ It was now ten o'clock and all the visitors had left after their hours of "consolation". Darien suddenly had the urge to be with his father. The man was almost never home that it felt like he didn't exist. But that man who Darien barely knew was the only bit of family he had left. He remembered the past years and how his father was never there while he grew. The only thing he had known was his mother and believed that she even made up his father's part. _

_ Through his days of childhood Darien's only memories of his father was just a temporary presence in which the family gathered together. There was always a rush to get to work, always time sacrificed away from home. The awkward formalities and hours of boredom at business parties was the personality of him that Darien was familiar with. But he didn't remember a day that was only spent on the three of them. He didn't remember ever being able to talk to his dad. He never remembered a moment that they were ever a **real** family. _

_ Darien wondered if his father was lonely after what had happened. Would he always be home now that he had lost his wife? Would he try to be a better father? _

_ The questions throbbed at his mind and he had a headache. He made his way into the hallway and was on his way to the private entrance into his father's study. He opened the door softly, trying not to disturb his father the slightest bit. He watched as his father sat at his desk quietly studying a file; having the same stern and disciplined look in his face. Darien stood in his corner still being unnoticed while the two mahogany doors that were the main entrance to the study flew open and a figure barged in. _

_ "Lily!" His father said looking up from his work at the person in front of him. Darien watched as he saw his aunt's appearance and the fury in her eyes. "What is the meaning of this intrusion?" His father asked surprised._

_ "You asshole!" Lily growled "You really think that I'll let you get away with what you have done?"_

_ "I clearly don't know what this is about." His father maintained his calm all the more surprised. _

_ "Like hell you don't know!" Lily shouted to the confused man pounding her fists on top of his desk. "Today my sister was buried and put to eternal rest and the man behind it doesn't have a **single** clue why I'm here?"_

_ His father's eyes narrowed at her accusation. "Why?" Lily asked in a soft voice that almost came out as a whimper. "Why did you cheat on her?" _

_ Darien's head shot up in surprise at his Aunt's question. "Why couldn't you see that she loved you more than anything that she ever valued? Even me!" The tears fell from her eyes and she looked vulnerable unlike the strong and brave woman that she normally was. "I knew that this would happen… I just knew it. But seeing her so happy, I tried to forget how men are. My baby sister… my beautiful baby sister! You ruined her!" Lily pointed to the man who watched her closely. _

_ "You ruined an angel so beautiful and talented. All those other women you went to bed with can't even hold a candle to her and yet you cheated on her just like any other son of a bitch would! You murderer! **You** killed her!" The woman yelled _

_ Mr. Shield gave a long sigh "Lily… you always were coming up with one thing or another to make my reputation look bad. Now that the person you used to complain to about me is gone, you're accusing **me** of being responsible for her death?"_

_ Lily was growing angrier at the way he had a calm outlook. She gave a smirk "Of course you would never confess to your doings. But don't worry about that I'll make sure I bring out your true face to the public. I'll show the world what Michael Shield really is… a lying and cheating…"_

_ Mr. Shield cut her off from calling him another insult. "…And just how do you plan to do so." He asked looking on with fake interest. _

_ Lily gave a sardonic chuckle "I'm sure the press would like to know what the hidden reason was behind the death of Rose. What was wrong in the perfect marriage of the Shields? Then I wouldn't mind suing you for the mental torture that you caused my sister and what drove her to her death. I won't spare you until justice is done!"_

_ The man in front of her leaned back on his chair and had an amused look on his face. "Counselor Lily Stevenson… there is no way that you can prove that in court. You would become a derision to those that look up to you with respect. Personally I think that you have made a fool out of your self in front of me right now!" _

_ "You bastard!" Lily said as she made a quick movement and grabbed him by the collar. But even his anger had risen when she had done so. He pried her hands off and gave her a shove which caused her to fall to the floor. She was madly drunk which was the reason that she had stumbled and fell and in the first place had given her the temper to confront him. _

_ "You're a drunk!" Darien's father's voice was dry "You always were one and your sister happened to pick up on it. You have some nerve to tell me all that you have said." _

_ Darien watched as the woman in the floor tried to pick her self up and defend her sister. But she was unable to get up and instead she fell down crying. "She loved you so much…why? Why? You never deserved her! You never did… but she still loved you! And I couldn't save her from you. Why did you kill her that way?" She said desperately in mourning. Darien felt the tears falling from his cheeks as he saw the woman in front of him. He wanted to cover his ears because the words that he was hearing suddenly made him feel like he was suffocating. _

_ His legs finally found its strength and he ran out of the door that he came in through. The noise that followed after Darien was out the door had caught the attention of his father. He hadn't seen anyone leaving and wondered if the person who was there had heard the whole thing. He was distracted though as Lily spoke again as she struggled to get up. _

_ "I always hated you Michael, for one reason or another. But today everything that I thought of you had turned out to be true." She said as she was on her two feet and turned to stare at him. "Rose is gone… forever! And when the time comes for you to realize it… it'll already be too late. I curse you Michael Shield! You'll never be able to be happy again and before you know it you'll be all alone." _

_ With that Lily left the room leaving the man overwhelmed with the events that took place. He couldn't help but see the resemblance in Lily with his dead wife. It felt as if she was the one in front of him and had confronted him. Did she really know that he had affairs with other women before her death? He sat down at his desk once again, feeling dizzy. There it was in front of his eyes the picture of him and his wife in each other's arms. The picture was taken a long time ago even before they were married. _

_ He took in the sight of her; her long ebony hair that had a purple shine to it and deep blue eyes. And another picture nearby was of her and Darien. Michael had to admit that all of his son's appearance had been from his wife instead of him. The thought of his son had made another worry spread across his mind. How would he raise him all alone? Rose knew about kids and how to deal with them; especially a teenager. But he hadn't had a clue on being a good parent like she did. He had a flashback to when once again he arrived home at a random hour. _

After the last meeting he had he went to the bed of the offering woman who he had just signed a business contract with. But as he stood over his sleeping wife, he knew that she would never question him where he had been or who he was with. And yet it bothered him as to why she would never question anything. Years before it ate at his conscience that she would find out but there was nothing but her usual tenderness. Why did she have so much trust? He bent down and stroked her hair.

The relationship between them was falling apart and yet she still looked at him just as lovingly as she always had. It would take time for him to make it up to her and it would take time for him to change his ways. But that night he made a silent promise that he would change his ways. While he stared at her for the next hour and stroked her hair, she sensed his presence and gave him a smile.

"When did you get home?" She asked sleepily

"An hour ago." He said as he now loosened his tie.

She sat up in bed as if alarmed. "Why didn't you wake me?"

He took off his coat and sat beside her. "You looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn't have the heart to."

His wife frowned "You do know that I want to spend as much time as I can with you, right?"

He rested his head on the pillow and smiled "At two in the morning? Don't worry honey! I'll be home for two days."

"Only two days? Mike!" She complained

"What's wrong now?" He asked tiredly as he closed his eyes. She moved closer to him and rested her head on his chest.

"I know your career means a lot to you. And I'm not even asking this for myself but for Darien. You don't spend enough time with him and the two days that you're here he'll be at school." She said in a soft voice.

Mike sighed and ran his hand through her hair. "Honey, I don't think that Darien would even want to spend anytime with me! You know kids these days."

She raised her head to look at him. "That's why I said you don't spend enough time with him. If you did then you would know that he is a wonderful son! He just doesn't know you well enough."

"I'm not sure if I could take anything off of my schedule for that." He said sleepily. His wife didn't say anything else and stayed silent for the moment. He raised his head wondering why she had gone quiet. His eyes met up with hers and he sensed pain in them.

"Please Mike!" Her voice was but a whisper "You know very well that my father died when I was a little girl. Lacking his presence in my life was very painful to me. I don't want Darien to not know his father when he has one."

Mike studied his wife closely and offered her a smile. "All right!" he looked defeated "But after these two days I have to go to London for a few weeks and then I'll take a full two weeks off for both you and Darien. And that's a promise!" He told her sincerely. A smile graced her features and she rested her head once again on her husband's chest.

_ The weeks came and went. But he didn't keep his promise to her. He didn't take his time off for his family. But one other thing he hadn't done as well was keep on with his affairs with other women. If anything he had to start somewhere. And being faithful was his start to mend the relationship between him and his wife to an honest one. But time had caught up with him and what she might have heard was only a fragment of the past. But even if he had told her… it would have been painful but he would have had a chance to apologize. _

_ He sighed at the picture, looking at her smile when he had held her. He suddenly wanted to hold her badly. He had always thought that she lived under his shadow but that wasn't true. A person's shadow imitated them and depended on the being's actions. But **he** needed her to put his arms around and drift off whenever the stress of everything had gone too far. He needed her to talk to because no one ever listened like she did. He needed to tell her that he loved her which he seldom did. Tears fell on his wife's picture as he desperately wished for her presence. Lily was right… that when he would realize that he had lost the most important and best thing that ever happened to him… it would already be too late. _

_

* * *

Darien rushed into his room and stumbled and fell. He cursed as he hurt his leg but the anger was because of the hurt in his heart. "No!" He said to his empty room. "Please don't let it be true! Please mom, don't let it be true!" He begged staring at the ceiling. "Please don't say that you left because I couldn't be there when you most needed me! Oh god, please don't!" He said desperately curling into a ball and crying._


	6. Chapter 5

_Chapter 5… _

_ How a month and three weeks had passed since Mrs. Shield's death was hard for me to wonder. It still didn't seem real to me. And as for Darien… he stayed in his room for all this time missing school. He locked his door when he knew that one of us came to talk to him. He refused to talk to any of us but I wouldn't have it. If he would be stubborn about it than so would I. Everyday after school I came to visit him and he knowing this; kept his door locked. But I would sit outside everyday and talk to him, telling him about everything that happened at school hoping that he would talk to me._

_ All I found was his silence and I missed him more than anything. Christmas was hard this year… so cold and lonely. I was sad that for the rest of Darien's life this time would be regretful. Every year Mrs. Shield had something new planned for the two of us. And her gifts were very special. We both cherished her so much that we never thought that one day she would leave us. Darien's silence was too hard to bear. I had to bring him back somehow or another. _

_I sat leaning on his door again and sighed wondering how long this would go on. "Darien… everyone misses you a lot. How long can you stay in there?" I asked knowing that he was listening. "We all want to be there for you and no matter how much you try to shut me out I won't leave you here all alone." _

"_Go away Serena!" came a voice that spoke after so long. Yet this voice didn't seem as familiar anymore._

"_Darien!" I said in a low voice "You don't mean that, I know you don't mean that!"_

_I heard him sigh "I do mean it! Serena, I don't want to talk. I only want to be left alone and you're not helping that. Please go away!"_

_His words hurt a lot. He didn't feel like my Darien anymore and I wanted my best friend back. "I'll go!" I said giving in. "But if you ever happen to stumble upon my best friend please tell him that I miss him dearly. Please tell him that I still need him and that I don't want to lose him." I couldn't stop myself from crying. Getting a hold of my self I took out what I wanted to give him. "I'm leaving something for him near the door; please make sure that he gets it." I said as I left him knowing that the chances of him opening the door now were slim. _

_

* * *

Serena's words had struck him hard. But he didn't mean to hurt her. It was hard to face her because he feared that she would think that he had held a part in his mother's death. He had left home for two days… he left her when she probably needed him most. He didn't stop her from drinking and because of his anger and ego she was forever gone. How would he face Serena when she was the one that persuaded him to help his mother and he hadn't even thought of it._

_ He opened the door when he was sure that she was gone. There on the floor was something that was wrapped in blue wrapping paper. He picked it up and then closed the door once again. He sat down on his bed and looked at the gift that she had left. He tore off the card that was taped to it. _

_**Darien, **_

_**I'm sorry that it was late. I wish that she could have received this in another way and that you could've finished it. I know how much you wanted to do this for her, please forgive me if I have wronged you in finishing it.**_

_**Serena.**_

_He was now curious as to what it was that she had left for him. He desperately tore off the wrapping and gasped as he saw the notebook that he was planning for his mother. But it was forgotten when he had left it over at Serena's house. The cover was painted with a gold paint that he recognized as Serena's beautiful handwriting. "In loving memory of Rosemarie Shield." _

_His fingers trembled as he opened it to the first page. It started off with a black and white picture of his mother. 'How did she get this picture?' he thought to himself. Then he remembered 'She must have asked Nancy for them or taken it herself. That thief!' he said suddenly feeling a bit of humor. There were many pictures of his mother. He noticed that she smiled in all of them. He didn't think that it was ever possible for his mom to be serious in front of a camera. He looked at all the pages and saw that she had included all the work that he had done himself. Then he stopped on a page that held a poem that he knew was written by Serena._

_Your eyes…_

_Hope sparkles in your eyes_

_Like soft colors shimmering_

_Brighter than any star in skies._

_Always reassuring,_

_Always haunting,_

_And securing, me from the taunting,_

_Of my own self. _

_I feel lost without you_

_Walking empty roads_

_And trying to find my way through_

_To what is true. _

_Memories are far but near_

_As pieces of dreams are_

_Now becoming so clear._

_The wounds are so deep_

_But the pain no longer severe._

_As days go by and_

_Thoughts of you reappear._

_But you live within my heart _

_So close, so raw and so alive,_

_As the one I've set apart._

_Always as serenity,_

_Always an entity,_

_And my amenity from the insanity_

_Of this world I'm living in. _

_

* * *

Susanne rushed into my room early in the morning and gave me a hug. "Happy Birthday!" She said in a singsong voice._

"_You always seem to remember." I said not sounding surprised. _

"_Of course I remembered!" She said cheerfully then brought her hand forward to show me a present. I gave her a half hearted smile and took it from her. "You're not going to open it?" She asked._

"_I'll open it later." I said and placed it on top of my desk. Susanne looked hurt and yet at the same time concerned. _

"_What's wrong Miss Serena?" She asked sitting next to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "It's your birthday, you should be happy!"_

_"Well, I wish it wasn't" I said Jerking away from her hold. "Just like I wished that it wasn't Christmas when Darien's mom died." _

_Susanne lifted my chin to make me look at her and I saw her soften when she noticed my eyes were watery. "Why so?"_

"_Susanne…" I said trying to hold back the tears. "…other than you there is no one to wish me a happy birthday… no one to be there with me. Mrs. Shield definitely won't be, not Darien, and of course not my parents!" _

"_Oh… Miss Serena!" She said as she took me into a comforting hug. _

"_Everything is wrong… all of it! How can I be happy?" I asked in her embrace_

_Susanne pulled away and wiped my tears. "I know you really miss Mrs. Shield and Darien hasn't been himself, but you'll see that he'll overcome this. Time will heal his wound. And as for your parents, they have been home for the past few days. You know how busy they are but if you ask, I'm sure they'll spend your birthday with you." She looked hopeful._

"_No Susanne…" I shook my head _

"_Miss Serena…" She looked at me questioningly "How long are you going to keep this distance between you and your parents?" I tried to look away from her. "If you talk to them and ask them for your needs, do you really think that they'll put you aside?" _

"_But Susanne…" I protested _

"_No buts!" She stopped me from saying anything further. "Just try! There is no harm in trying, right?" _

_I sighed in defeat "I guess so!" _

_Susanne looked more than triumphant. "Listen… I heard them talking about leaving this afternoon so if you want to catch them… now is your chance!" She said shoving me to the door. I tried to give a smile of enthusiasm then headed to my parents' bedroom. _

_Before I could even step into the room a wave of apprehension surrounded me. Mother was talking in the phone while I heard the water running in the bathroom to where father must have been. Just as I got closer I heard mother's conversation on her phone. _

"_What do you mean the witness claims that he was mistaken?" My mother yelled into the phone. "His testimony was the only chance we had at this case! Okay! Okay! I'll meet with you and try to sort this thing out." She put the phone down and started sorting out the papers near her. _

"_Umm… Mother?" I asked nervously while fidgeting with my fingers and shifting my weight. _

"_Well, look who decided to say hello at the last moment!" She said not even turning to look at me. Her statement had made me more nervous. It was true that I never talked around them but it made her seem more like a stranger to me. At the present moment I didn't think I would have been able to have even asked for what Susanne advised me. "Susanne put you up to this didn't she?" She asked almost like she was reading my mind. _

"_I… uh" I tried to find something to say and came up with nothing._

_She now scrimmaged through her things looking for something in particular. "I wish she would be more attentive like that to your priorities! Why didn't you participate in that program at the country club like I told you to?" _

_It was funny how she only remembered things that had no value to me but could not even remember to say happy birthday. I rubbed the back of my neck "Uh… I guess I just became real busy with school and what not." _

"_Always an excuse for everything, huh?" She asked as if glaring at me and yet busy in her work. "…if I could only find that damned paper!" _

_Father steps out of the bathroom with a bathrobe and without acknowledging me heads to the walk in closet to dress. Just standing in the room for five minuets and I already feel as if I don't exist. _

"…_Are you going out?" I get out trying to get to the point so that I would be able to leave this awkwardness. _

"_Yeah, I had some problems with a case I'm handling right now!" She said as she turned for the first time and walked past me to grab something from the lamp table. Then stopped as she noticed me. After studying me for a moment I noticed the disgust in her face. "Ugh! What is it with you always dressing like an old lady?" _

_I bit my lip at her insult and took a deep breath at everything else that would soon come in after. "You wear glasses as if they hadn't even invented contacts yet. And what are these clothes your wear? Do we not have enough money for you to wear nice clothing?"_

'_Shit, she must be in a bad mood! Nice going Susanne! This is the last time I'll ever listen to you!' the thoughts passed me as I watched my mother head over to her briefcase and put the last bit of documents away. She slowly turned now directing her attention towards me. 'I'm really going to get it bad now!' I grimaced inside. _

"_Serena!" She sighed "Why can't you be like all the other girls? Would it kill you to look beautiful for a change instead of being an embarrassment to me?" the disappointment in her eyes made me suddenly wish I could disappear. _

"_Do you really want me to send you away to some school to make a lady out of you?" She threatened. _

"_Irene!" My father called out while he stepped out in a business suit. I guessed that he also had some thing to attend to. I suddenly was glad that in a bit they would be gone. "I don't understand why you use that as a threat but never go about it!" He said as he stood next to her. With the two of them against me I felt myself shrinking into the size of an ant with no dignity. _

"_If you really had sent her away to one, do you think you would have to deal with **this** problem right now?" he asked giving me a cold glare. _

_His words hurt… so I was a problem that needed to be adjusted? They wanted to send me away so I could come out as the perfect daughter that they had dreamed of? Send me away from my friends that I love so dearly? _

"_No!" I suddenly heard a voice saying. I wonder where it came from._

"_What?" My father turned to me questioningly_

"_No!" I heard myself repeat. So the voice had been mines? I suddenly felt anger rush out of me. "I'm not going to some school so that I could be the perfect daughter in front of you!" _

"_Serena!" My mother warned_

_But her look didn't have its hold on me because I was determined to get the words out. "I like the person that I show myself as and I really don't care what you think. Hell! I don't even know why came here to ask if you could only spend my birthday with me. Thanks though for ruining this day for me!" I suddenly was loosing my strength as I felt the tears fall on my face._

"_And another thing… if you think that I'll do everything the way you want it to be then your wrong. Because I never want to be like you! I hate you!" the words that were directed at my mother came out of my mouth and I felt ashamed right away as I noticed the hurt that was visible in her eyes. I ran out of the room before anything else was said or done. But I suddenly had this fear that my sudden outburst would probably get me sent away. So I leaned my back on the wall outside of their room and waited to hear what punishment that they would have for me. The first voice that I heard was that of my father's._

"_Kids these days have absolutely no respect for their elders. If I ever talked to my mother that way I don't know what she would have done!" His voice seemed annoyed but my mother had cut him off from saying anymore. _

"_But I'm not your mother, Ken! And I don't know how she raised you but that is not how I want to raise my children." I sensed the hurt in her voice and felt ashamed of what I had said to her. I didn't want to be the reason that they would fight. "It was really my fault! I shouldn't have said all those things to her; I just was in a bad mood because of my work." _

"_You have no reason to feel guilty!" Father sounded like he was comforting her and I was relieved that they weren't fighting because of me. _

"_It was her birthday too!" Mother's voice was distant. _

"_Honey! You shouldn't let things like this get to you. True, that you probably should have been sensitive towards her but with the way she talked to you?" Father always knew how to make himself sound right. "If it's her birthday then I'm sure she only came in to ask for some thing. Just have you're secretary purchase a gift and send it in. Calm down, all you really need to worry about is this case right now!" _

"_You're right!" was the last thing that I heard mother say before I ran upstairs to my room past Susanne who had been expecting to hear something good._

_I made sure to lock the door before I let myself collapse on my bed. If anything I felt ashamed that I let myself look like a fool in front of them. I had promised myself that I wouldn't let anything they say get to me. That it would only be a matter of time that I graduate from high school and move out. Regularly I wouldn't have said anything but just stood there and tolerated it. But the thought of them sending me away to some school where I would be so far away from Darien and my friends had alarmed me. _

_Or maybe it was just that they wanted me to change so badly into what they want to see in me that probably pushed the button. Whatever it was, I was ashamed to have ruined my mother's day and Susanne's plans. My thoughts were all interrupted by the soft knocking on my door. "Go away Susanne!" I said the first thing that came to mind. _

_"Serena, it's me!" Said a whole different voice that I had missed. 'Darien!' I wiped away my tears and quickly went to the door. I opened it slowly to make sure that my imagination wasn't playing games with me. There stood Darien Shields in front of me for the first time with out his cheerfulness that almost never seemed to go away. I hugged him and suddenly let myself cry on his shoulder. He closed the door behind him while I took hold of myself. _

_"What's wrong?" Darien asked _

_I wiped the last bit of my tears. "I guess it was because of seeing you after so long. I really missed you!"_

_"You can't hide anything from me and you know it too!" he said not convinced "It's about your parents isn't it?" _

_Was he able to read to my mind? I slowly sat down. "How did you know?" _

"_I heard everything that was said." He took a seat next to me on the floor. _

_I looked down trying to avoid his eyes. "You must really think of me as a fool!" _

_Darien sighed "Yes, you really are a fool!" He agreed and it hurt that he thought so too. "Foolish to think that you're wrong about standing up for your self for the first time."_

_"But Darien… they are my parents!" I still felt the guilt_

_"Yeah, they're your parents. And they are supposed to encourage you, not try to change what they don't like about you." He couldn't see it any other way. "I mean, my mom would never say those things about me even if I was the most hideous person in the world." _

_I grew silent as he mentioned his mom and he noticed that he had too. "I just miss her and wish that I hadn't been so stupid. I wasn't there for her when she needed me." _

_"Don't tell me that you actually feel guilty about her death!" I said surprised that he would think of it that way._

_"How can I not, when it **is** my fault?" He said as if making a confession. I was puzzled to hear that he blamed himself. His voice dropped to a whisper. "You don't know Serena! What she must felt when her husband was cheating on her? Or when her son couldn't understand her misery and instead left her alone too! And you don't know how right you were to say that she must've been so lonely to turn to alcohol." _

_"What? You must be wrong! There had to have been some sort of a misunderstanding!" I tried to assure him but it felt as if I was trying to convince myself. _

_"There was no misunderstanding!" He confirmed me with his eyes. "I heard Aunt Lily accuse my father about it. And Mom never hid anything from her." _

_I truly had no words for him since I myself was shocked. We sat silently for the next few moments. "Why, Serena?" he asked shattering the silence "Why is it that we never understand the ones that love us the most? And once they are gone, why do we then realize how much they really meant to us?" _

_"Because, Darien, its fate that brings us together and separates us all the same. But not even fate can ever change the moments that you have spent together, nor can it change how much you really mean to each other!" I said as he met his eyes with mine. _

_Darien was silent again and I wanted to find a way to take away his pain. "I wish that she would still be beside me and that she hadn't left the way she did." He said his voice cracking. I took him into a hug._

_"She hasn't gone anywhere!" I told him and he looked up at me. "As long as the memories of her reside in your heart she hasn't gone anywhere! And you know very well that it hurt her to see you so miserable."_

_He wiped his tears and gave me a small smile. "I just remembered your poem… it was very beautiful! Thank you for finishing that notebook."_

_"I didn't think you'd like that I finished your surprise for her." I admitted._

_"Are you kidding?" He said seriously "I couldn't do half of the work you did! And I'm glad you finished it… it reminded me of things that are important. And speaking of surprises… I have to give your surprise present!" He said as he pulled me up with him. For that moment he forgot about his sorrow as he led me out of the room. And I was relieved to see that my best friend was back._


	7. Chapter 6

_Chapter 6…_

_Darien climbed the secret stairs and led me to the roof where we usually met on a warm night. But it was really chilly since it was February. I shivered while Darien still covered my eyes with his hands. _

"_Are we there yet?" I asked hoping that he would let me open my eyes._

"_Yup!" He said as he moved his hands away and allowed me to open my eyes. I looked around and gasped as I saw a black baby grand piano in front of me. At the front was the name Steinway and sons. I shifted my eyes from the piano to him and found him smile. "I told you that it would be a surprise!"_

"_But… but… when did you…how?" I asked still overwhelmed _

"_Don't worry; I didn't steal it or anything!" He joked. "You remember when last year you played and sang in the talent show after taking a few piano classes? Well, I told Mom that you should really explore into it because you played so well. And Mom helped me out and planned to have this gift ready for you on your birthday."_

_I was still surprised as I ran my hands through the keys. "But Darien a piano like this one costs well over…" _

"_Forty thousand?" He asked with a smile. "Your talent is worth getting you the best type of instruments out there. And Mom couldn't have agreed more when she bought it." _

_I hugged him tightly "Thank you so much!"_

"_Not yet! Wait for Susanne." He said after I pulled away. Susanne came not long after carrying a cake with her and also had James bring us our jackets so that we don't catch a cold. _

"_Happy Birthday to you!" both Susanne and Darien sang while she placed the cake on top of the piano. "Happy Birthday dear Serena, Happy Birthday to you!" _

_Susanne gave me a hug "I should go home now! So the two of you enjoy the cake." She said then left the two of us alone. _

_The sun set in front of us while we both stood silent watching as night was about to crawl in. Darien sighed then spoke. "I'm sorry Serena!"_

"_About what?" I asked confused_

"_I really shut you out for a long time!" He said fixing his gaze on midair. "But after you left that notebook your piano came in. I just remembered how excited I was when Mom ordered it; to see that you'd be really surprised. And that was when it dawned on me that I was being unfair to you." _

_I was surprised by how much compassion I found in his eyes and how I was beginning to lose my self in them. _

"_But Serena, I never want you to think that you aren't worth much. Because you mean a lot to me… and whatever your Mom said were all lies! You could never disappoint anyone… especially me; you were there when I needed you." I really did loose myself in his eyes because I couldn't turn my gaze away from them. "Won't you blow the candles and make a wish?" He asked after a while._

"_Uh…" I said embarrassed that I was staring at him that way._

"_Of course I would have to light them again since the wind keeps on putting the flame out… but don't worry I was prepared!" He said as he took out a lighter from his pocket. He lit the candles once again. "Hurry up and blow them before the wind gets to it!"_

_I looked at my cake and wondered what I should wish for. Well for starters I wish I could understand all these weird feelings that are crawling up into my stomach. But what I really wanted was that things go well with Darien and that he would be able to cope with the absence of his mother. Closing my eyes I let the breath release from my mouth and put out the candles. _

_I opened my eyes to find Darien patiently waiting. "What did you wish for?" _

"_For better times…" I said "…and the old vivacious you!"_

_He smiled "Do you want to start off with the cake or listen to me play a song on your new piano?" _

"_You can play?" I asked surprised_

"_Don't laugh at me!" He said as he took a seat on the black leather bench. "I arranged a piano teacher for you and asked her to teach me the birthday tune to play for you. I only had two days of practice…" _

"_Darien!" I interrupted him "Just play already; so I can make fun of you!" I joked. _

_He rolled his eyes and placed his right hand on the position of middle C. He slowly played the notes C C D C F E …C C D C G F… C B A G F E… B B A G D C. (A/N those are the real notes to the birthday tune and there are many versions to it. Sorry it was the one that I learned when I first started to play the piano and its seems a bit corny but I never got the time to try something better since cause we had to always get prepared for a recital or performance in front of a crowd and my teacher also tested us every two weeks with a new piece. If it helps… say the letters like the song happy birthday.)_

_I couldn't help but smile at the way he was so attentive; trying not to mess up. It was that way when you have someone listen to you play for the first time ever. It was adorable at how simple and cute his piece was. The only thing I didn't understand was why I thought of him to be so handsome for taking such a bold step. It was as if I was looking at him for the first time. _

"_So do I have potential to be as good as Beethoven?" He asked me anxiously. _

_I grinned "Let's just say that… anything is possible if one tries!" His smile fell and he gave me a glare. "How about we add something more to it by playing the same notes with the left hand as well?" I asked as I crammed into the bench next to him. I played with both of my hands the same tune that he played trying to put more notes into the simple piece. _

"_Now how does that sound?" I asked after I had finished. _

"_No, it's still missing something!" He said seriously_

"_What?" I asked _

"_Just a bit of…." He said as he moved his hand to get a hold on something. I eyed his hands suspiciously wondering what he was up to. "Close your eyes Serena, it's another surprise!" Darien said with a mischievous smile. And I did out of curiosity. A second later I felt the cake being smudged on my face and Darien singing Happy Birthday. _

"_Darien…" I growled as I opened my eye lids that were covered by frosting. He got up and backed up ten spaces. _

"_There…nothing is missing. That's what you get for making fun of my hard work!" He said as he started to run when I was on my feet. _

_I started to chase after him with this new feeling of relief hanging over me and having my best friend being able to lift my spirits once again. _

_I sat doing my biology homework and trying to keep my mind from drifting away again. I looked over to where the piano sat in the room having this powerful attraction to it. The morning sunlight that shone from the window made it look radiant. For the past week I couldn't keep my hands off of it. I met with the piano teacher two times a week and had this eagerness to learn the most beautiful pieces ever written. Not being able to control myself anymore I left my homework and walked over to the piano. I resumed on the piece that I was recently learning… but before I could even finish the first page Susanne popped out of nowhere. _

"_So, I see you've gone really far with your homework!" She said as she held up a paper. _

"_I was just still excited about that piano!" I said shrugging it off._

"_But it seems something else is distracting you… care to share?" She said with a comforting smile._

"_It's nothing okay!" I assured her but it didn't seem as if she was convinced._

_She gave one of those nods that usually meant 'You really expect me to believe that?' and then took a seat next to me and sighed. "Miss Serena, your eyes tell it all…you don't have to make excuses! Now tell me… what has been bothering you?" _

"_What makes you think that something's bothering me?" I asked hoping that I wouldn't have to tell her. _

"_Well, your mind hasn't particularly been on studying and school work lately!" She said with concern. "You know whatever it is you can talk to me about it. I'll be here for you!" She said as she put her hand on my shoulder. I was debating whether or not I should tell her what was going through my mind. But it was too embarrassing to say to even Susanne. I looked up to find Susanne watching me knowing that I was deep in thought. It was foolish of me because she always was able to read me this way and know that something had been bothering me. But today I was enthusiastic about not letting her know so I grabbed the science paper once again and resumed my homework. _

_Susanne had this usual trick, she would wait for a long time and until I had given up she would just sit there silently. I heard Susanne sigh from behind me as she got up and maybe even the hurt in it. I would talk to her about anything no matter how bad it was… she never failed me nor ever made me feel uncomfortable. So this dilemma that I was going through couldn't have been that bad that I couldn't talk to Susanne about. _

_Just as she was about to touch the door knob I stopped her. "Wait Susanne… it is something!" I sighed. _

_I felt her hand on my shoulder. "Do you not trust me Miss Serena?" _

"_I do…" I said distantly. "But Susanne how do I tell you this?"_

"_However you tell it…" she said "I'll try my best to sort this problem out for you!"_

_I stayed silent wondering where to start off. "These past months…" I said staring at the ceiling "…everything was happening so fast that it felt like the world was revolving rapidly around me. When Mrs. Shield passed away… it felt like a bad dream… she was like a mother to me. But when Darien had distanced himself from me… I really felt scared because I was losing another person that meant everything to me. But that day… suddenly he appeared again when I needed him."_

_I turned to Susanne "He comforted me after I had that fight with my parents and overwhelmed me with the birthday gift. But you know what really surprised me?" I asked as I got up and went to where the piano was and that night's memory was suddenly once again in front of me. I ran my hand through the keys softly. "I could see how much pain there was in his eyes because the absence of his mom has left this emptiness inside of him. But he was smiling and joking and causing mischief again all the same… for me. He was there for me even though he was hurting… he wanted to make me laugh and be happy for my birthday. Seeing all of that I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I couldn't stop thinking to my self about how handsome he was and why I never saw that in him."_

_I felt Susanne behind me and turned to look at her eyes "Susanne is it wrong?" I desperately asked her "Is it wrong to suddenly have a crush on my best friend?" _

_She smiled and touched my cheek "It isn't wrong at all, honey!" she sat me down on the bench. "And don't you dare think that there is something wrong about it!"_

"_But Susanne this is the same Darien that I have known all these years. The same Darien that I laughed and cried with… the same person that annoyed me at times and yet made me so glad to have him… the same Darien that is my best friend. Yet all those moments I had never thought of him that way. Almost every girl in school agrees that Darien is the best looking guy that they had ever seen. It didn't make a difference to me what they thought of him. I thought that it was silly… I couldn't have thought of crazy Darien to be anything else other than crazy and unpredictable." _

"_Miss Serena…" Susanne said "There is a big difference between why you find him attractive and why all those other girls that don't even know him find him attractive. In fact I find it very matured of you… most girls don't acquire this trait until after College."_

"_Susanne…" I said looking down. "Why did this happen? And what are these weird feelings that crawl up into my stomach every time I'm with Darien? I didn't want this… all I wanted was for things to go back to the way that they were."_

"_Miss Serena… believe it or not but in these two months that you two haven't talked and been apart… both of you have changed… both of you are growing up. And not only that it was a time of much turmoil what with Mrs. Shields' death… you can't possibly expect things to go back to the way it used to be!"_

"_Then what do I do Susanne?" I asked "Now when I'm with him… I can't help but get lost in staring at him. And it's not as if he could ever see me the same way. In fact why would he even look at **me**… when he has the most beautiful girls after him?" _

"_Miss Serena… you know him better than that!" Susanne said with serious eyes. "Has he even given those girls a glance?" I shook my head. She continued. "Then just know that you have a much better chance than any of them do. Don't ever feel ashamed or disappointed in your self because you are a beautiful person… whether or not you believe me." _

_I hugged her and it was times like these that made me wish Susanne was my real mother. "Susanne?" I asked in her embrace. "Is this what love starts off as?" _

_Susanne pulled away and gave a laugh "Love?" I blushed as I realized that I had gotten carried away. I don't think Susanne or anyone that is close to me could ever get used to me talking about my sudden attraction toward someone and love. "Love is crazy…" She said as she settled and got serious again. "…you can't expect to fall in love with the perfect prince charming… he only lives in fairy tales and fantasies. Sometimes love will confuse you… there are other times when you will feel so much joy and there are also times of pain. But in between all of that there will be these moments. Moments that you wouldn't trade the whole world for… moments not planned but they really catch you off guard. Moments that you want to live in forever… the moments that you spend with the one that you suddenly realize you have fallen in love with… because life could never be more beautiful!" _

_ "Susanne… someone will fall in love with me, won't they?" I asked "I will have these cherished moments, won't I?"_

_She gave me a smile and nodded. "I don't see why anyone wouldn't fall in love with you!" She said "And as for these moments… I know that you will have many!"_

_I hugged her again and wanted to cry because I was really lucky to have Susanne. _

"_Hmm-hmm" A voice interrupted us… we both turned to find Mother standing before us with a disdain look on her face. Susanne stood up and gave her an apprehensive smile. "Susanne… if you don't mind… I would like to speak with **my** daughter!" _

"_Yes…of course!" Susanne said as she made her way to the door then turned around and gave me a wink. I smiled at her… but it faded as I found mother studying me with an annoyed look on her face. _

_She took a deep breath then put her gaze on me again. "Serena… I'm sure you know that in three days it's your father's and my 15th Wedding anniversary!" I nodded and she continued. "And I'm also sure that you know it's been a while since we have really celebrated our anniversary… and that it holds a great importance to both of us."_

_I nodded again. "Then, I hope you realize that there will be many people there who respect us and look up to us and that you will not take away from us that prestige." Her eyes were serious and I gulped. _

"_Yes… mother!" I said lowering my head. _

_She sat down next to me and sighed. "Serena, we are people of the higher social class and we have sophistication. Our children are our pride and I want to be proud of you. For the party, promise me that you will do what as I say and behave as I expect you to."_

_I met my eyes with her trying not to spoil the moment and gave in to her. "I promise Mother!"_

"_Then the first thing I want you to do is…" She didn't finish her sentence because a distant voice called her name. _

"_There you are Mrs. Tsukino!" Stacy… mother's personal secretary and designer said. "I just needed to ask you some questions about your dress before I have it ordered to be made."_

"_Yes… go ahead Stacy!" Mother said averting her attention from me. _

"_I thought the dress would look beautiful in this soft pink fabric… but I wasn't sure if you would be okay with wearing pink!" Stacy said to mother. I had to give Stacy the credit of having style… she always knew just the right clothes to wear. But I could never put that much attention and detail into just clothes… it drives me crazy just looking at my friends do so. _

"_I trust you Stacy!" My mother said with an amused look. "…even with pink!"_

_Stacy looked delighted because her face lit up. "Mrs. Tsukino… I can only recommend what will suit you and you look fabulous in any color and any clothes!" Stacy went on with the compliments and mother gave a light hearted laugh being flattered. I couldn't help but roll my eyes... but mother suddenly remembered my presence in the room and gave me a contemplating look. _

"_Stacy…" She said "You wouldn't mind designing a dress for my daughter would you?"_

_Stacy looked up surprised and directed her attention to me then turned back to mother and smiled. "I would love to Mrs. Tsukino!" One moment she is standing next to mother and the next she is circling me and studying my appearance. I really wanted to run for some cover. "Of course it'll take a lot of work!" She said to mother. "I'll tell you what… I'll make an appointment with you around three tomorrow." She said to me business likely as she took out her day planner and wrote the appointment in. _

"_Well Mrs. Tsukino… I'll be going now and I promise that I'll have your dress ready for you in one day's time." She said as she was out the door. Mother was satisfied as well and was heading for the door. I couldn't be more angry that she let Stacy look at me that way. And that even though I've said all those things to her she hadn't even mentioned it. I hated the fact that she ignored the person that I was. I wanted her to notice me without it being something that she disliked. _

"_Mother…" I stopped her before she could touch the door knob. _

"_Yes, Serena?" She asked as she turned to me. _

"_Mother… I" I said a bit embarrassed "I wanted to give both you and Father a present on your wedding anniversary." Her eyes looked uninterested but I went on. "I… I am recently learning a piece on the piano called 'A Comme Amour' and I wanted to dedicate it you and father."_

_She looked surprised. "When did you learn how to play the piano… that you are planning on playing my favorite song?" _

_I was surprised as well that the piece was her favorite and at the same time embarrassed that she asked that question. "For about a year now!" _

_It seemed that she also looked embarrassed that she didn't know the simplest things about me. "Well, I think that would be a great idea… you can play at the party." She said enthusiastically but I was disappointed because I only wanted to play for them. "At least then people would know that my daughter has something she might be good at. I'm glad you are cooperating with me!" _

_Being hurt by her last statement I tried to get her attention again. "Mother…" I said stopping her again. _

"_What now, Serena?" She asked looking a bit annoyed._

"_I… I'm sorry." I said and found that she was taken aback. "I'm sorry that I said all those things that I didn't mean. I was very disrespectful and foolish!"_

_Mother looked as if she was in deep thought. She sighed then looked at me with soft eyes. "Serena… it's better if you didn't say sorry."_

_I looked at her confused by what she meant. "Mother… I"_

_She gave an amused laugh. "And just why are you sorry? Are you sorry because you so different from everyone else in this family… or sorry that you are closer to the maid than you are to your own mother?"_

_I was surprised that she would get mad at me for apologizing. "Mother, I'm not sorry about any of that. I am though for talking to you disrespectfully."_

"_But what difference does that make? You are being ignorant as you always have been even this very moment. Your sorry isn't going to erase this distance that you have created between the two of us." She said with pain in her eyes. "You act as if I'm your worst enemy… damn it… everything I say is only for your own good!" She said as she shook me by the shoulders. But she stopped as she realized that I had my eyes fixed on the ground. _

_"Nothing I say to you matters!" She said as she got up. "And from now on I won't even say anything. Do whatever you like… but for the party I better not see you this way!"_

_She turned around and left the room. I watched her from my doorway as she talked to the caterer. There were many times that I wanted her to look at me in a good way. I wanted her to be proud of me… I wanted some attention from her without it being something that she was to yell at me about. But what really hurt was that she blamed me for this distance between us. It never even occurred to her how much I try to get her attention. Nor did she notice how much she pushed me away when I tried to be close to her with her words. And I was surprised that she never once thought that her words hurt me so much. There was many times that I was angry at my self for getting on mother's nerves but nothing I did ever seemed to satisfy her. _

_I wiped the tear that escaped from thinking about these thoughts. As I watched her I felt really alone and sad knowing that I was different from the rest of the family. That it was impossible for them to accept me as who I am. Even more impossible that Mother would never stop mentioning that people would never guess that I'm her daughter and that I could never fill her shoes. _


	8. Chapter 7

_Chapter 7…_

_Another breeze passed by me and I held onto my sweater. It would only be some time till the weather starts to get warm. I waited for the traffic light to turn red so that I could cross the street. Asking the chuffer would have been easier and would have saved me from the cold. But walking to get to Darien's and back would buy me lots of time away from the house. I really didn't want Stacy to make me another project of hers. _

_The gates opened as I spoke to the butler. Darien's house was no different from mine; it was a huge building that suddenly pops out of nowhere. It was ironic though because these mansions were very solitary. I climbed the stairs to his bedroom to find him sitting so still and staring at something intently. I walked over to him and became concerned when my eyes fell on the object that he was contemplating. "Now a rose lies next to her grave…" the headline read with pictures of Mrs. Shields when being carried away and also of when she was lively._

_Feeling my presence he looked up at me expecting me to say something but I had no words for him. "I know what you are thinking…" He said self consciously "You're thinking that this might really upset me but you're wrong!" _

"_Darien, don't you worry… everything will be okay!" I tried to assure him_

"_No, nothing will be okay… aunt Lily will never get over her plot of revenge…not once thinking how it will affect me and neither will father realize what he has done to this family!" He said intensely. _

"_Oh god…"He said rubbing his forehead "If Mom's memories weren't so fresh in my mind I think I would go mad!"_

"_Darien, what happened?" I asked wanting to know the whole story. _

_He sighed and relaxed for a minute then looked at me with tired eyes. "Aunt Lily came by and showed me the articles she got two magazines to publish and says that she has still a long way to go. And she also suggests that I go and live with her. She claims that she is very serious about all of this and wants me to support her all the way." I became worried at this and he noticing gave me a small smile. "Don't worry… moving in with her is not on my list of things to do. I really think that the alcohol has gotten to her brain and finally made her crack!"_

_I sighed in relief but stiffened again "Darien, I'm worried about you… I don't know how the stress of all of this is affecting you."_

_He turned away from me and walked to one of his desk and took something out. From far away I saw him taking a picture out from the family album to show me. "This was when we went boating in Venice over the summer." He said handing the picture to me. I saw both Darien and his mom beaming with smiles as the picture was taken before they were about to go under a bridge. "I remember her telling me that night that if I really wanted to know what life was about then I had to travel the world and see that no matter what kind of tragedies take place in the lives of people, they had to move on or else sorrow would conquer the world. And I remember telling her that I would never let anything keep me down. She looked at my eyes suddenly becoming serious and told me to promise her that. But I didn't think that I would have to prove it to her one day." He told me all in a whispered voice. He suddenly grasped my hand into his hold and gazed into my eyes. "Don't worry about me! You have always bought a sense of peace into my life and it has kept me going. I'll be okay… as long as I have a friend like you!" _

_He didn't realize the burst of emotions he had just released into me when he touched my hand. "I'm just angry that my aunt has gone crazy and is doing things are absolutely meaningless but more than that bringing back haunting memories. And Mr. Shields has suddenly decided to make phone calls to make sure I'm doing okay or send me gifts with a note to cheer me up but doesn't have the guts to face me. I really want to believe that he doesn't exist anymore!"_

_The last thing he said made me feel sick to my stomach. I suddenly felt really hollow inside. "That is really painful…" I heard my self say._

"_What is?" He said directing his attention toward me. Then his eyes softened and I looked away from him noticing that I was tearing up. "Serena?" He asked concerned._

"_To shun someone's existence is too painful." I said quietly "Sometimes it feels as if my parents really believe or wants to believe that who I am really doesn't exist. But when they have to explain my being… it brings them back to the reality that I'm such an embarrassment to them."_

"_That's not true!" He said incredulously_

"_It's the truth that I have had to live with for some years now." I said assuredly "Don't do that to anyone Darien! It hurts too much!"_

_His cold eyes softened as he looked into mine and I wondered what he saw in them. "I promise I won't…" he murmured "But I could never forgive him for taking away my mother!"_

_I didn't think anything I could have said could make him change that decision but I knew that only time could heal this wound. The sound from the grandfather watch echoed as it rang two o'clock and I remembered the appointment with Stacy. "I have to go soon… Mother has asked Stacy to fix me up for her anniversary."_

"_When is it?" He asked_

"_Tomorrow night… they are making a big deal that they got married on Valentine's Day." I said with disdain._

"_I'll be there!" He said suddenly _

_I looked at him surprised "But… you don't even like these parties!" I reminded him._

"_Neither do you!" He said "And I wouldn't abandon you in one!"_

"_Oh yes, of course, I forgot about the food…" I teased "how could you resist?"_

_He frowned "I can't believe that you would look for motives behind my support for you. It's really true that people don't understand compassion these days!"_

_I smiled at his complaints… it was great to have a bit of humor between us. "But you have to dress formally with a TIE!" I reminded him_

"_That's not so hard!" He said dazzlingly "I think I have a great sense of style!"_

_I giggled "Uh yeah whatever you say!" He scowled at me "I'm kidding…you look handsome in whatever you wear!"_

"_Oh my, Serena…" His face brightened at the thought "…your not falling in love with me, are you?"_

_My face paled as he said that and I had to act fast before my silence gave the answer to that question. "You wish!" I said with a forced laugh. _

_He eyed me suspiciously but shrugged "Hey… it could happen!"_

_I smirked trying to be more convincing "Think again!"_

"_Well… go ahead and destroy all my hopes and dreams!" He said faking disappointment. I had to smile at his sarcasm and at the irony of his words._

_Watching him brought all those feeling once again to my stomach and I brought up whatever came to mind to get rid of them. "How are you doing these days?" I asked _

_He turned to me and gave a small smile. "Somehow I'm getting through one day after the other. Andrew and the guys really try to cheer me up at school and then there is you who is always checking on me. I don't think I'd be able to go on if it weren't for you guys. But then when I come back to the house… the emptiness just sinks in. This place that once was so lively with Mom around suddenly turned so cold and dark. It's this strange feeling of loneliness of coming home to no one. How did you manage all these years?" He asked me._

_"Well…" I said to him "… I had you!" He gave a smile of understanding and I found myself once again staring at him. I really had to get a hold of myself before things went bad. Realizing the time I stood up. "I got to get home or mother will have my head!" I said as I was making myself towards the door._

"_Hey… uh, Serena?" He stopped me _

"_Yeah?" I poked my head back in_

"_Listen… no matter what happens, don't let what your parents say get to you. You know who you are and you don't need anyone's approval other than your own." He said comfortingly. _

"_Thanks Darien!" I said as I stepped out. I sped to get the out of the cold and reach home with a bit of confidence from Darien's words. As I entered the personal office that Stacy had in the house all of that confidence seemed to melt away. I have never been here before and being here now brought a strange feeling in my stomach. There was a formal office where her desk was with shelves and filing cabinets and then there was a door that led to another room that was her private work area for her to work on designing clothes. _

_When Stacy was in college, she got her job as Mother's secretary after she fired the last one for reasons that I don't know of. After Stacy had shown many of her designs to Mother, she became very impressed and decided to give her the money to start a small boutique. Her boutique had its ups and downs so she remained working for Mother because of the good pay. Since then she was Mother's personal assistant and fashion designer. _

"_Well, hello there!" Her high pitched voice startled me out of my thoughts. _

"_Hi… Stacy." I tried to sound enthusiastic but could not bring myself to. _

_She scribbled something in her pad "I just finished with your Mother's dress. It looks absolutely gorgeous!"_

"_Right…" I muttered under my breath._

"_You said something dear?" She looked at me expectantly but I shook my head. "Now I'll have a lot of time to do yours. But we have a lot of work to do before that, like finding what would suit someone like **you**." I pretended that I didn't hear that and was anxious to get this over with._

_She had me sit in front of a mirror. "Okay lets first start with taking these spectacles off… it makes you look way too much older than your age!" I felt angry and bit my lip to not blow up on her. She removed them and then pulled off my hair tie. She brushed my hair with her long nails as it fell down to my hips. My emotions went from anger to misery watching her 'fix' me up. Everything that I had tried to forget all these years flooded back to my memory. How Mother had always disapproved of me and what not. Even Darien's words couldn't reassure me. _

"_Wow, now we are getting somewhere… you naturally have some potential!" She said studying me but I kept my eyes away from the mirror. "I think I know just the kind of dress that you would look adoring in." With this she took my measurements and assured me that she would have something great for me to wear tomorrow. She also said that she would do my make up and accessories and that my Mother would be very proud. _

_I took in everything she had to say and marched up to my room then fell onto my bed, burying my face in the pillow. It was a habit of mine when I truly wanted to disappear at times. I pulled up the covers to complete the process and lay there silently sobbing. 'Why do they do this to me? Am I that horrible that they can't even consider the way I would feel? Couldn't they love me once for who I am?' _

_The thoughts ran frantically through my mind and I knew I could never get those questions answered. There was a small tap at my door and then the sound of someone walking in. "Miss Serena…guess what I have for you." I heard Susanne say in a soft voice. "I have your favorite cookie dough ice cream!"_

_Her voice was an echo in the silence. "Miss Serena?" She asked again._

"_Don't even try!" I said and my voice sounded muffled "Go away… please…I really want to be alone!"_

_There wasn't even a protest, she just left like that. And I was left to feel guilty about the way I spoke to her. Susanne had always tried to mend the relationship between me and my parents but her efforts were all futile. I had always wanted them to accept me as who I am. Why was it so hard for them? It was as hard as it was hard for me to change into a whole different person. For that moment I felt so weak and tried of fighting the truth. My mind kept uttering for years to give in and that everything would be okay. At this moment I had decided that I would give in and sobbed more into the pillow wet with my tears._

_I really did give in. I gave in to Stacy cutting my hair three inches shorter and layering it. And to her plucking my eyebrows that hurt like hell but I sat without any emotions in front of her. She sat in front of me for about half an hour drawing all over my face with make up and her tongue sticking half way out of her mouth. But I just didn't want to be rude and say that it bothered me if she drooled anywhere near me. It wasn't my place to judge others but everyone thought they had a right to judge me. And I didn't want to fight it anymore. _

"_Okay… time to put on the dress!" Stacy said handing me the satin red dress which had a red rayon fabric chest and was fairly decent and the rest of the dress onwards was a red satin. I stared at it. "Well, come on, we don't have all day!" Stacy said to me and I headed for the dressing room. _

_Pulling the dress over my neck I stepped out. Stacy came and gave me a big hug. "I had no idea it would turn out this good!" I pulled away feeling too awkward. "Here are your shoes." She said as she revealed two red shoes that looked like they were ready to kill someone's feet. _

"_You have anything more comfortable?" I asked after my first glance at it._

"_You haven't even put it on yet!" She pointed out._

"_The pain is very palpable already." I said looking at my feet._

"_Well, beauty is pain." She said as she went to open the door. _

"_Pain that is voluntary, I never asked for it." I said before she could reach for the knob. _

_She gave out a laugh. "Who said you get a say… because you are in the higher social status, you have an image to live up to!" It was very nonchalant to her, or was I just from a different planet? "So I don't get a thank you or anything?" She suddenly asked_

_I stared at her coldly. "Thank you Stacy… for making me realize how ugly I was!"_

_There was a frown on her face. "Teenagers like you get on my nerves… what is youth about if you don't spend it looking gorgeous?"_

"_I have a tendency not to judge others that way. And I can't stand shallowness!" I said back bitterly to her._

"_Well it's a real shame then…" she said in a mocking way "…from now to the rest of your life you gotta live up to the expectations of others. Learn it now before you learn it the hard way later!" She said and opened the door. Her words sank into me. _

_Mother was walking by but stopped as she saw me. I could see the surprise and satisfaction in her eyes._

"_My god Stacy, you've done a wonderful job!" She exclaimed admiring me like an object. _

"_It's my pleasure Mrs. Tsukino, I was wondering if you would let me have the honor of designing more clothing for her." Stacy said as I could see her eyes held the hope of profit. _

"_Stacy you have my permission to make her whole wardrobe, I have never seen my little girl this beautiful and its all thanks to you!" Mother said very pleased and I was surprised that mother called me her little girl. _

"_I'll leave you guys alone and get myself ready for the party as well!" She said as she stepped out and father stepped inside at the same time. _

_Father's expression was soft. "My, Serena I almost didn't recognize you there honey!"_

_I think I was going crazy… how could two people change so much in one night? A slight noise at the door turned to all of our attention. I saw Susanne at the door and after she had one glance I could see in her eyes the regret for coming in. "I'm sorry to interrupt, please do excuse me, I'll come back later!"_

"_Susanne…" Mother stopped her and put an arm around me smiling. "Doesn't my daughter look wonderful?" _

_I looked up to see Susanne's expression and her eyes were filled with sorrow as she looked at me and she gave a subtle smile. "Well… hasn't she always?"_

_The smile from Mother's lips faded and there was a tension in the room but Susanne broke it. "Do excuse me!" She said as she turned to leave. _

"_Well!" Mother said changing the subject. "Dear, we should go and entertain the guest about now!" she said to father slipping her arm through his and then to me. "Don't take long in coming down Serena! I can't wait for them to meet you." With this they both left._

_After they were gone I looked at the mirror for the first time. I didn't recognize the person in front of me. It wasn't as if I looked horrible but I felt this deep sorrow because this person wasn't me. My parents chose her over me, they wanted her as their daughter not the real me. And these thoughts couldn't stop the tears that I saw falling. I went to the staircase to get a view of the party. Laughter echoed and music faded into the background. I saw father and mother descend into that world of lavish and wealth as they joked with the guest and had a good laugh here and there. Someone hugging me from behind distracted my thoughts. I turned around to see my nine year old brother back from boarding school and giddy as ever to see me. "Sis I missed you so much!" He squealed._

_I forced a smile at him. "I missed you too Sam!" I said hugging him back._

"_I have so much to tell you! You know how you said that if I tried to like studying than I can become good at it? Well after I scored two home runs in baseball I thought I could do anything and everything and I studied hard too and passed all my classes with A's." He said to me all in one breath. For Sam who was struggling in boarding school it was a big accomplishment. _

"_I'm proud of you Hun!" I said patting him on the back._

_He gave a big grin and then stopped to study me. "Sis you look really pretty!"_

"_Really?" I asked sad that he approved as well._

"_Yeah! I think you should stay this way!" he said with vigorous energy. _

"_Sam…are you coming or not?" Two boys called from the other side of the hallway. _

"_I'm coming!" Sam ran away from me to go to his room to play video games for the duration of the party. God I was jealous of him at times!_

"_Serena, come down here dear!" Mother called to me from downstairs. "This is my lovely daughter Serena." Mother put an arm around me while introducing me to one of her clients. "She's at the top of her class!" Things like this came out of both the mouths of Mother and Father when introducing me. "My daughter is very talented! Honey why don't you play my favorite piece on the piano for us? I had your piano brought down just for that!" _

_I looked back at mother without any emotions. Everything they said and the way they acted was killing me inside. I hated this new face that they put on with such shallowness. But I felt myself only become hard… crying somewhere inside of me from this confusing situation. I knew though that I would never let anyone see me cry, definitely not my parents. I decided to let them have it… the lie that I was what they wanted to see. I walked over to the piano and noticed a silence overcoming the audience as they fixed their attention on me. I picked up the microphone that was focused on the piano and looked toward mother and father who were both beaming with smiles. "This is dedicated to my parents for a joyous 15 year anniversary." I said and then put the microphone back as I took a seat next to the piano taking a deep breath. I felt a surge of energy and anger rush over my whole body as I placed my hands on the keys. 'A comme amour' by Richard Clayderman had me lost on to a different place. _

_

* * *

Darien was dressed in a black suit with a blue shirt underneath and a red tie. He went to Andrew to get his tie right. It was always an obstacle for him and since he had promised Serena then it must be kept, there was no exception on that to his conscience. He walked past the other guests that were just coming in and found himself in the large hall of the Tsukino's. He sighed remembering parties like this ever since he was young and had an understanding of what Serena might be going through. He went over to get himself a drink before he went to meet Serena. As he poured himself a glass of punch he heard the Orchestra sound off and everyone drifting to a silence._

_He went over to see what it was that people were waiting for. He saw a figure sitting next to the piano that he gave as a gift to Serena and that person looked nothing like her. Out of curiosity he circled around in order to get a glimpse of this blonde girl. She took in a sigh and opened her eyes to reveal a pair of eyes that he had know so well. They were filled with such sadness as she started off slowly with a sweet melody. It was romantic and beautiful how soft her fingers traveled the keyboard. The tune kept on and then changed into a more deep sound as she played only the left hand on the bass clef. He kept his eyes on her being awed by her as was everyone else in the room. The music suddenly picked up getting faster by each second. He noticed the anger in her eyes as she moved rapidly across the keys. She looked beautiful and the pain in her eyes was all too visible for him. He had an idea of what might have happened and felt a tug at his heart wanting to comfort his dear friend. _

_The music came to a soft ending and he saw the tears that slid down the side of her cheeks. The last note still echoed into the walls and she wiped her tears before getting up. The music had moved her as it moved him. "Bravo! Bravo!" He heard her parents say as they went to hug her. She didn't hug them back and her eyes were cold. He stayed afar and observed her. The Orchestra started up again and the conversations climbed its heights. He decided it was better not to go up to her. There would be nothing more embarrassing to her… maybe if he waited until the guests were gone. At a given opportunity he saw her slip away from the crowd of people and disappear up the stairs. _

_He waited a little while when the last bit of guests were gathering their belongings and was on their way to the door. There was laughter in the huge room coming from Mrs. Tsukino who was obviously drunk. Mr. Tsukino supported her with one of his shoulder. "Darling, if you're this drunk how will you be able to see the fireworks I had planned for you?"_

"_Sweetie I'm only seeing a bit blurry…I'm not drunk! God I've not had this much fun in a long time!" She said from the side affects of drinking the whole night. 'Fun is not part of their vocabulary' he recalled Serena once telling him that. _

"_Well this was to celebrate how well you did on the last case!" Mr. Tsukino said putting his arms around her._

"_And what about that merger that went so well with you?" She asked _

"_That too!" He said as he was about to kiss her but she stopped him as something distracted her. _

"_What are you doing here Darien?" She asked of the figure behind her husband_

"_I'm sorry Mrs. Tsukino, I was just on my way to meet Serena. I hope I'm not being a bother." He said as he saw Mr. Tsukino move away from her. _

"_This late…are you planning on sleeping over again?" She asked as she tried to focus on one of him. _

"_Well go ahead Darien… don't let us keep you!" Mr. Tsukino said as he dragged his wife along with him. "Honey… let them be… the fireworks are about to go off in about five minutes. We have to have all the lights turned off!" _

_Darien paid no attention to them as he made his way up the stairs. Before he could make it to Serena's room the lights went off and within seconds the sound of fireworks could be heard. He opened the door hoping that he didn't trip into something but he didn't have to worry because the full moon illuminated the room. Her balcony doors were open which let the moon light in. "Serena?" he called but there was no response. "Serena?" He asked again a bit concerned. _

"_I'm here!" He heard a voice coming from the balcony to where she stood with her back facing him. He came up right next to her and stared at her while her eyes were fixed on the fireworks that went off in the night sky. There were multiple colors bursting in the air. "This is my father's present to mother. It's grand and sophisticated isn't it?" She asked him self consciously. "This is the life isn't it, where people pretend to be something that they aren't." She said as she turned to him for the first time and he noticed that she was crying. _

"_Oh Serena…" He sympathized with her._

"_I pretend to be this beautiful, intelligent and talented girl that they are proud of. And they pretend to be parents who show so much affection and care for me." She said to him and the pain in her eyes was more than visible to him. There was a silence that passed over the two of them. "Sometimes I wonder Darien…" She said after a while. "If I truly was like this everyday… would they truly love me a lot more… would they be home more and be there for me more?" _

"_I know it doesn't make much sense but I have no one else but myself to blame…" She looked into his eyes "…that all this time it wasn't our relationship that was wrong but it was me that was wrong." _

"_Why would you think that?" He asked _

_She gave a long sigh "I don't know…" And then turned to him giving him a sad smile. "I look a lot better this way don't you think? Even Sammy thinks so!" _

_He decided not stay quiet anymore. He got really close to her and stared at her. After the first minute she became intimidated by this. "What?" She asked softly wondering what it was that he was thinking. _

_He gave a small smile. "You know you do look beautiful!"_

_What should have been a compliment that would have had her floating on air made her want to sink beneath the floor because he had never thought of her that way before until now. He noticed as her face suddenly was engulfed into more sorrow. He took her hand and she looked up at him. "Come… I want to show you something." He said as he pulled her along with him. He was in front of her dressing table feeling around for a scrunchie and her glasses, which he was both successful at. He grabbed a hand mirror that he found surprisingly and then led her back to the balcony where it was easy to see. "Okay… don't ask any questions and just do what I say!" _

_She was dumbfounded with his sudden burst of energy and decided not to ask anything. "Turn around!" He ordered and she listened. He grabbed the whole of the hair from the back and tied it with the scrunchie._

"_Ouch!" She complained when a part of it was pulled._

"_Sorry… now turn back around!" He said as he had finished. When she did with a look of curiosity he smiled to reassure her. He brought up the glasses that he put in his pocket. He gently put it on her and she was more surprised then ever. He moved a strand of hair that was being blown in front of her face with the soft wind and sighed. "I want to show you the most beautiful person in the world. You want to see?" He asked almost teasingly. He picked up the hand mirror that he put on the balcony railings and held it in front of her. _

_

* * *

I looked at the person reflected in the mirror. The real reflection of who I am and looked up at him still confused. "But that is only me."_

_He gave a genuine smile. "Exactly! The most beautiful person I have ever seen." _

_His words made me confused and all these emotions climbed into me that I didn't understand. I guess he understood what I was going through because he reached out and took hold of my hand and then looked into my eyes. "You are the kindest person I know. You are intelligent, thoughtful and hold deep perception." He gave my hand a bit of a squeeze which made my heartbeats race. "Yours smiles are warm and brightens up someone's day. But your friendship and love for others is the most sincere thing I have seen because it comes from your heart. I could go on Sere but I think you understand what I'm saying. You are most beautiful when you are you, my sweet and most innocent Sere." _

_He released my hand and gave a sigh. "And I don't care what anyone says you should never change! Neither do you need to change this illuminating light around you that reflects because of your pure heart." _

_I stared at him and couldn't stop the tears that fell and tried to look away before he could notice them. But I failed and he brought up my chin forward with his fingers. I saw his eyes soften "Don't cry!" He said as he wiped the tears. "You know how I get when I see people cry! Especially you!" _

_I had to laugh at that. He can't control his tears either when he sees the tears of others. I stopped as I felt a lump in my throat and I wanted to cry again with him in front of me. I wanted him to take me in his embrace and soothe me. But I couldn't bring my self to reach out and hold him. I heard him sigh again. "Is it okay Serena, if I slept over again?" He asked in a shy manner. "The lonely mansion is sometimes a bit haunting."_

_I could only nod. Words didn't escape from my lips and I was scared to talk in fear of letting my secrets slip. He touched my cheeks with one of his hands and I closed my eyes feeling the comfort in it. When I opened my eyes I saw that he was gone and the lights came back on. The room that he was in is adjoined to mines. And I put my ear next to the wall to hear his movements. I heard the opening of the closet door to where he kept his clothes because he slept over there so often and then it closing. A few minutes later I heard the switching off of the lights. I changed as well into my pajamas and got one look at myself in the mirror suddenly liking the person that I saw than I ever had with a strange ecstasy. _

_Turning off the lights I laid on my back with eyes wide open and far from sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about his words and how handsome he had looked. That day on the roof I remember the feelings that I suddenly acquired for him. But today it was different. He looked much different. It was as if I had never laid eyes on him before. How the moon shone in his eyes looked so beautiful to me. Had I really been blind before not to notice that? But Susanne's words echoed in my mind. No, I hadn't been blind and he wasn't any different in reality. The truth was that he now held the deepest part of my heart. I got up from the restlessness and looked at the balcony doors from where the moon light shone. As if it was beckoning me I got up and opened the doors and the cool air rushed past me. I walked toward the railings and rested my hands on it staring at the full blue moon. I felt calm and serene in the solitude of the night. _

_The balcony was long and connected to both my room and the one Darien was staying in. I started toward his balcony doors and looked in only to see that I couldn't get a good glimpse of him. I slowly turned the knob and found that the door was unlocked and tiptoed inside coming closer towards him to where he was sleeping. I stopped by his bed and knelt down. I could hear his deep breathing and the rise and fall of his chest. I wanted to put my ear there and listen to his heartbeats. But I couldn't get myself to because I was so nervous even while he was asleep. His face was so close to mine. It had this angelic glow to it that I only saw in him. And in watching him I couldn't stop the tears that escaped my eyes. "God… I love you… I love you so much!" The words escaped and faded into the darkness. _

_When I saw him stirring I decided that it was best he didn't find me here crying out to him and started towards the balcony again. He suddenly sat up in bed. "Hello?" He asked the darkness searching for someone. "I thought I heard someone crying!" He said and a shiver ran through him. As he realized the balcony doors were open he got up and closed them. He laid his head down again. "Me and my imagination!" he said to himself and drifted back to sleep._

_I was breathing hard as I pressed my back to the wall away from the door. He had felt my presence there. It was strange to be hiding from your best friend, the one person that knows you so well. There was an aching in my heart and I touched the glass of the door which had Darien on the other side. It was an aching that hurt so much because I had just fallen in love with my best friend and I didn't know what to do. I stood there for sometime with my back leaning on the glass and returned to my bed after a while. _

_I was wide awake for hours thinking only about him. How would I ever tell him? What would he say? Maybe he would laugh it off thinking it was only a joke which would kill me inside. Maybe I had always loved him from the moment I had met him and hadn't realized it till now. He was my only companion when I was alone. The only one that really cared and was by my side all of these years. Tears ran down to the sides of my cheeks as I knew that if I told him, it would change everything about us. Neither I nor he was ready for love. And I wondered how many years I would have to wait. Countless days, nights and moments, till he is in my arms. Yet I couldn't picture it… him holding me that way. I cried a little more until slumber had taken over me. _

**I think that was the longest chapter I had so far. I'm extremely sorry that I had taken so long to post this up and hopefully it won't take that long to get the other chapters up. Please do review because I'm only 16 and a junior in high school and I have very little experience in writing. Your criticism and advice will help me out a lot. See you guys until the next update…April 1st 2005.**


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